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people Thanks for your concern.
by bean
gfd messages
on Nov 17, 2004 11:07:53 PM

If you were logged in, you could vote for this story!

I have had it with people. Especially people I care for. Everyone is the same. It is all about their agendas and their egos. To them, I say, "Gee, thanks for pretending to give a shit."
 
Over the course of a lifetime your heart will be fucked around if you are lucky enough to drop barriers and let people in. For me, this primarily effects the family portion of my life. Now, I know I've already ranted about my family issues. But this is not about my parents, this is about a family friend and person I considered a friend and respected. And it's bothering so much right now, that I just have to get it off my chest.

So, about a year ago I took a hiatus from the medical field. I grew tired of fighting an uphill battle and decided to take a break and basically "find myself" after dealing with some extreme family bullshit and going to school non-stop for years. Now I don't need to use this as an excuse for anything. The opportunity arose and I took it. But after years of abuse and hearing how worthless I would be if I veered from my expected path, I still need to reassure myself that I am allowed to do what I want with my life. It bothers me, but I deal with it.

About 6 months ago, I recieved a strange phone call. It was a family friend I had known for years. He was the one who introduced me to the medical field and had taken me under his wing. I had always admired his kindness and honesty. He was calling because he was concerned after phoning my former work place and found I was no longer working there. He was sincere and I explained what was going on and that I was happy with where I was in my life. He understood and had some idea of the issues that were happening with my family. He wished me luck and the conversation ended.

A few months later, I recieved an email from him. He had seen a colleague of ours and the colleague had asked how I was doing. Whatever my friend said to our colleague upset him and the colleague asked for my phone number.

Now the email my friend sent seemed nice enough but had distinctly cruel undertones about how I had abandoned the medical field. This bothered me greatly. So I sat and wrote a long email explaining things. About why I left and how I felt about it. I didn't hold anything back. And I didn't recieve a reply. It bothered me that I had poored my heart out to someone I considered a friend and got no response. But I let it go.

Today I got a nasty email from him about a phone call he got. Apparently one of my student loans was saying payment was incomplete. They had marked the payment amount wrong and I sent too little. So instead of calling me, they called my co-signer, my friend. In the email, he whined about his credit and was rude.

Now this sort of thing had happened before too. The bank had screwed up and things were fixed. They had contacted my friend and things went smoothly and he understood how stupid banks can be. I have no idea where this infantile attitude came from. I can guess of course. That he's bitter that I left the field and that none of his daughters went into the medical field. That he's overworked just like I was and is jealous I'm living the way he wants to. Or that he's become a bitter old man over time. I don't know, these are just educated guesses.

And what bothers me the most, is that shortly after I sent that heart-pouring letter to him, I recieved an email from my parents with the words "need to talk". He had an idea of the situation with my family and that I prefered not to bother them if they didn't want me talking to them. But I'm guessing that he forwarded this email to them and that's why I got that email.

I'm just tired of the bullshit and games. This is why I don't deal with my family. I don't want this drama in my life. I've had more than enough for one lifetime. And this sneaky sort of passive bullshit really bothers me. If my friend has a problem with the way I'm living my life he needs to come forward and say something. And if all he cares about is his credit rating he needs to let me know, so I can get his name off anything connected with me, like I did with my parents. And my parents need to learn that if they want to talk to me they can pick up the phone. Grow the fuck up people.

[ Comment on this story ]


    more likely that you're a drama queen gold starthumbs up
    by mythandros(Suck a Fuck)
    gfd messages
    on Nov 18, 2004 09:48:05 AM
    (#16969)
    Is it possible that your friend didn't reply to the email in which you poured out your heart because you had assuaged his initial concerns? Maybe?

    Is it possible that your colleague had asked for your phone number because he was concerned that you were going to permanently leave a field in which you exhibited great natural talent? Like, maybe your colleage _isn't_ a prick and is actually concerned for your future (and possibly *gasp* has your best interests in mind)?

    Put 2 and 2 together. Step outside yourself and see things from other people's point of view. First, you drop off the radar. Then he gets a call from the bank saying you're delinquent in paying up. Doesn't that sound like you're flaking out? It doesn't sound like you have lots of contact with this "close family friend" so what is the friend supposed to think when they hear that you've quit your job and haven't paid off your loans (your friend has no way of knowing it was a bank error becuase your friend isn't paying the loans off -- you are)? If you think you're justified in being upset at your friend for getting pissy, then your friend would be equally justified in getting a little pissy becuase he thinks you're about to fuck up his credit. Is it possible that the "nasty email" was just tough love?

    Instead of getting all pissy about the whole "credit rating" fiasco, why couldn't you fire off a quick email to the "person [you] considered a friend and respected" that this had happened before and that it was just a bank error?

    Yeah -- I can totally see how it's worth losing a long time friend that you _clearly_ cherish and respect over some money and what was probably an offhanded comment. Way to be mature.

    We're all doomed to be EXACTLY like our parents, dearest Bean. That's probably why you hate them so much. Anyone who says otherwise is either part of the lucky elite (all of whom I hate out of jealousy) or seriously deluding themselves. More likely the latter.
    [Reply to this comment]
      Assumptions heart
      by bean
      gfd messages
      on Nov 18, 2004 10:55:32 AM
      (#16971)
      While some of your advice is valid, it just reflects the basis of my story, assumptions. People assuming things they aren't sure on.

      First off, the oh-so-concerned colleage who asked for my phone number never called. Why? Because mentioning my current status was merely banter in some patient room chatter. Not that it matters personally. But when you actually want to contact someone do it.

      Secondly, since my friend and I had gone through the whole bank problem thing prior without concern, his reaction to this slip-up was unexpected. Thus my concern that the slip-up was not the real issue but some other underlying problem either with me or his life. And with the sneakiness that runs around my family and their friends I was worried.

      Yeah, it wasn't mature of me to rant about him, but it was also immature of him to be a dick about the situation. So I guess we're even on that, but I felt a hell of a lot better getting it off my chest.

      And as for being doomed to be like your parents, well I don't believe that. The people I've meet throughout my life usually tend to be unique individuals with *****SOME****** traits from their parents. If you become exactly like your parents, you are probably a clone, a suck-up or a very lazy boring person. As for the elite, wtf are you talking about? Having a unique personality is not elite. It's called having a life. Perhaps you need to stop being jealous and start living.
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
        assumptions assumptions assumptions
        by mythandros(Suck a Fuck)
        gfd messages
        on Nov 18, 2004 12:22:43 PM
        (#16974)
        Issue 1:
        How do you know that the colleague didn't try to call you?
        How do you know that the colleague didn't lose your number?
        How do you know that the colleague didn't accidentally write your number down wrong?
        I respectfully submit that you would seem to be making assumptions.

        Issue 2:
        Was your financial status more secure during the prior bank error than it was during the most recent bank error? I don't know what you're doing for a living now, but if it's not as lucrative as a career in the medical field, try assembling factors and look at it from his point of view. He's afraid that his credit rating is about to be screwed sideways by someone who can't seem to handle a medical career. If you had flaked out, you woundn't be the first; precidence has been established.

        issue 3:
        Yes, most people turn out remarkably like their parents. It has to do with 24/7 exposure, almost exclusively, to two specific people for the first 6 years of your life, in addition to vast stretches of time spent with those same two people for the rest of your formative years. Think you won't pick up some bad habbits during that time? Think you won't pick up mannerisms that subconsciously remind you of the people you hate so much every time you repeat them? Yeah. We're all more like our parents than we'd like to admit. I'm saying that we ARE our parents but I am saying that we are all as much LIKE our parents as we can be WITHOUT being the same person. You don't have to be a suck-up, lazy, boring, or socially inept to be like your parents. You could be a rebellious, active, interesting, socially adapted person and still be just like the people you (and I, in refrence to parents) hate. Internally, you're thinking different things in different ways. Externally, you're likely copying habits, patterns, mannerisms, etc that your parents first exposed you to. Since other people can't get into your head, they can only experience the external you...and they like you for the same reasons that your parents' friends first liked them. It's all a big cycle. Nothing changes. Yes, it's bleak. Yes, I believe this.

        To adress your final comments... No, i'm not jealous of you. I have my own parents to hate. Yes, I do have a life. A rather active one at that. In fact, I need to cut back on my social life becuase it's causing me to not get enough sleep...which is dangerous when you have an hour and fifteen minute long trip to/from work every day.

        Yes, I'm very much like my father. Yes, that does make me want to vomit. Yes, I am desperately trying to change.
        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    hey honey,
    by crune00
    gfd messages
    on Nov 23, 2004 12:55:32 AM
    (#17006)
    your story sounds pretty bad. I have had my run of poeople not communicating right, and there's only so much you can do. i have absolutely no advice for you because ive never been able to smooth things over with my parents, but i wish you luck. it was a very brave thing to do to leave the medical field. whenever you take a chance in life, you are living. and thats what it's all about.
    [Reply to this comment]
    that sucks
    by bobby(shutyourface@irule.com)
    gfd messages
    on Dec 5, 2004 11:41:46 PM
    (#17082)
    i hate when people go behind your back like that. it's like he was telling on you to your parents or something.
    [Reply to this comment]
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      gfd messages
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      (#33764)
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      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
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