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general Gonna spray paint his office walls red
by jacobb
gfd messages
on Nov 30, 2004 06:19:57 PM

If you were logged in, you could vote for this story!

My boss is a hypermicromanaging, holy-rolling son of a bitch!
 
I have been working in a laboratory in Illinois since July. So far, I have hated every goddamn day I have had to fucking work there.

I've been working on a project for a new treatment for brain tumors. I completed my Master's in biology in May, and the bulk of my experience lies in animal research. I took the job with the impression that I would spend most of my time working with rats. However, as it turns out, over 90% of the shit is cell and molecular biology. I am not a cell or molecular biologist so the fucking project really hasn't gotten anywhere, though I'm learning.

My boss doesn't seem to understand that working with cell cultures requires different skills and techniques than working with whole fucking rats so, of course, I have to put up with bitching.

What really gets to me isn't the bitching, necessarily, but rather, the micromanaging aspects of it. One day last week, I was performing cell counts for another project, and between counts I would have to record the number on a sheet of paper. Each count takes about 4 minutes so I click my Bic pen closed so the end doesn't dry out. The son of a bitch boss of mine walked by and saw me doing that, and he said, "Stop clicking your pen closed. It wastes time."

It wastes time?! What the fuck! Boy, those quarter-seconds must really add up there, dicknose.

Another time, I was pipetting a bulk culture of bacteria, and as I learned in a microbiology course I took in undergrad, I resheathed the pipet into it's packaging before discarding it. This is presumed to be a public health issue, since custodians may not know what is in the trash, for example. The micromanaging son of a bitch cocksucker apparently did not see the value in it and told me to stop resheathing the fucking used pipets because it "wastes time." Fucker. It's awful funny that all his bitching and fucking lecturing don't "waste time," the fucking cocksucker!

On top of his micromanaging, my boss loves to protelysize at work. He's a fundamentalist Christian. He has invited me to church at least 5 times, and he's always going on about 'God does this' and 'God does that' and blah blah blah fuckety blah. I have no problem with people adhering fervently to their religious beliefs, but I cannot tolerate being harangued about religion on the goddamn job. It pisses me off! I knew this would be a fucking problem when on the first day he invited me into his office, closed the door, and proceeded to tell me how great he feels about being a big Bible banger. Then he tried to get me to get saved. That was the most uncomfortable, UNPROFESSIONAL experience of my entire working life!

There's nothing wrong with someone really getting into their religion, but this bastard--a BIOLOGIST--is a member of the fucking Institute for Creation Research. He must have a screw loose. I mean, this son of a bitch just ain't firing on all four cylinders! On top of the protelysizing and creationist shit, the week before the elections he passed out campaign literature for Keyes and other fundy wackos because they oppose abortion and gay marriage.

On that note, here is another possibly illegal thing he did. He had a petition from some holy roller action cooperative to support a boycott against Proctor & Gamble. The reason: P&G supports "the homosexual agenda." Yeah, I guess we better not buy fucking Tide because they provide domestic partner benefits. What the fuck. This guy just needs to be shot.

[ Comment on this story ]


    Are you serious?
    by GETOFFMYFUCKINGBACK(GETOFFMYFUCKINBACK@FUCKOFF.COM)
    gfd messages
    on Dec 1, 2004 02:39:12 AM
    (#17040)
    If you are just doing a Phil Hendrie type bit, kudos, it was funny.

    If not, I can't believe it.

    Don't click your pen shut?

    OMFG!!!

    G!

    F!

    D!

    !!

    My sympathies. I thought my job sucked.

    [Reply to this comment]
    holy ....
    by Chops(seano_the_great@hotmail.com)
    gfd messagesMSN
    on Dec 1, 2004 05:16:19 AM
    (#17042)
    i know you shouldnt laugh at others misfortune but LOL

    Damn of all of the stories ive read about other people's bosses yours is the one that would drive me insane. next time he tells you clicking your pen shut is wasting time, remind him he just wasted 10 seconds telling you about something that only wasted two, so he infact is wasting your time, and he owes you 8 seconds.

    I've been working on a project for a new treatment for brain tumors

    good luck with that.
    [Reply to this comment]
    you got a 10...
    by mythandros(Suck a Fuck)
    gfd messages
    on Dec 1, 2004 11:56:45 AM
    (#17045)
    ...just for "don't click your pen shut, it wastes time."

    wow. I'm steel-toe-boot-to-the-pelvis stunned.
    [Reply to this comment]
    A stunning vista of fuckery. gold stargold starheartheartheart
    by TheChisa(come@me.bro)
    gfd messages
    on Dec 1, 2004 02:17:39 PM
    (#17048)
    Wow.

    Alright, calm down son. I've been the bane of many an asshole boss in my day, and most of the time done it without getting fired for my retaliation. This man is definitely insane -- but he's just a man, and you can always beat just another man.

    For example, there was this Republican secretary at the IT job who would always dominate the radio and force me to listen to Rush Limbaugh. I told my Republican boss about it, and she just shrugged and gave me a "political opinions" rigmarole. Alright, said I, and proceeded to make a desktop for my computer of Osama Bin Laden standing in front of an American flag like Patton, captioned OSAMA FOR PRESIDENT.

    The boss FREAKED and told me to take it down immediately. "But boss," I cajoled, "I'm just expressing my political opinions like the secretary is when she listens to Rush."

    Result: no more Rush in the office.

    Now let's formulate a plan for your boss. When dealing with crazies, there is no point in trying to use logic. They do not confirm to the same system of reason as you, so your logic is madness to them. You must therefore fight fire with fire, and OUT-CRAZY him -- but do it in a way he can't fuck with.

    First, find an EVEN MORE RIDICULOUS religion. I suggest Eckankar. Take an hour to study it's guiding principles, and send away for some free pamphlets to litter the lab bathrooms with. When bossman starts going on about his invisible man, you hit him back with yours. If he fires you it's religious intolerance, and you may then proceed to sue the pants off of everybody in a five-mile radius.

    Then, just stop doing shit at work. Conveniently forget to take safety precautions, miss entire steps in proceedures, etc. When confronted, claim you were doing your part to save time.

    Next, acquire as many coupons for Proctor & Gamble products as you can. Give them out to your coworkers, always with a cheery smile.

    Finally, for extra credit, get some of that clear Palmolive dish detergent. On break, secretly coat the hood, trunk, doors and roof of the boss's car with a thin layer. This is perfectly harmless, but dries to a transparent finish that is difficult to detect. The next time it rains, your boss will be treated to a Message from God.

    Good luck, soldier.
    [Reply to this comment]
    Just Lose It
    by mekae(mekaelizabeth@yahoo.com)
    gfd messages
    on Dec 3, 2004 09:37:04 AM
    (#17070)
    The job, I mean. If your boss is as much of a certified, grade A prime wacko as you describe, it's not worth it. I once had a job that frustrated me so much it led to dental problems - so now I've got that and bad memories to deal with. Surely there are other lab jobs available within your scope of work (working on live rats) and without a complete asswipe of a boss. If you can't, bring up the Christian ranting to his superiors. If that doesn't work, I'm sure there's some lethal chemicals you and your coworkers have available to accidentally drop into his coffee.
    Cheers.
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