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politics Vote Morals Party '08
by zaxon
gfd messagesMSN
(huk~) on Jan 16, 2005 09:30:22 PM

If you were logged in, you could vote for this story!

One of the things we do best here in America is "MORALS". Another of our strengths is jumping on the bandwagon and exploiting whatever is fashionable at the moment for personal gain. To that end, I announce the forming of the MORALS PARTY, and declare myself its presidential candidate for 2008.
 
With the election now past, Americans have made it clear where they stand on the issues. Despite the Liberal Elite trying to distract Americans with phony non-issues like national security, economic stability, and eroding civil liberties, the freedom-loving voters of this nation stood up this past November 2nd and sent a blaring message to Washington as to what we expect from a leader: that he live on a "farm" and be prepared to dilligently fight our nation's greatest enemy, the seething swarm of homosexual immorality.

That's right. With the greatest margin of victory in any political contest (like, ever), this honorable President George W. Bush, an honest man of honesty and integrity and honor, was re-elected with the greatest mandate in the history of honorable leaders throughout history.

And yet: foreward thinkers among us must acknowledge a problem. In four years this freedom-loving President's second freedom-spreading term will end, and he will be ineligible for more freedomtacular service as our nation's freedomest president ever. Furthermore, we must recognize that, although he has accomplished much, the causes of Freedom, Honorability, Integrity, Morality, Freedom, Americality, Traditional Value-centric thought and action, and Conservatablism have been stymied by the obstruction of the immoral Liberals in Washington. There is still much work to be done, and there will be yet more even after our honorable President leaves office!

This is why I today announce the formation of a new political party to usher in America's next great Golden Age:

THE MORALS PARTY


While the Republicans, particularly the honorable Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush, have served us honorably, we must ride the current tide of Godliness in America and let it take us to new heights - we shall shed the cocoon of the Republican party, and become butterflies! Butterflies of MORALITY!

The Morals Party will work tirelessly for the American family, fighting for the Traditional Values(TM) and Judeo-Christian principles this nation was founded on. We will return America to the glory days of our Founding Fathers(TM) through the following agenda:

- GAY MARRIAGE: Without doubt the greatest challenge facing America today is the threat posed by Gay Marriage. The Morals Party promises to not just "address" this issue, we will eliminate it! That's right, eliminate! You see, in the days of our Founding Fathers(TM), Gay Marriage was not a problem because there were no gay people. Think about it. When was the last time you heard of or read about any homosexual in America during the time of our Founding Fathers(TM)? Only with the pervasive spread of immorality, witchcraft, and liberalism has Homosexuality infested our shores. We will remove this immoral cancer through a comprehensive saturation of morality, Traditional Values(TM) and Judeo-Christian principles, as well as shipping all the homos to France. [Note: Our program will remove all "homos" - note the use of the plural. There will be room for just one "homo" (sing.), since he won't be able to gay marry. Clay Aiken fans can thus rest peacefully.]

- RACE RELATIONS: Race Relations in America is hard work. Too hard. The Negro is as uppity as ever, showing record levels of ingratitude for having been delivered from the heart of darkness into God's Chosen Country. This is a direct result of having strayed from the example of our Founding Fathers(TM), who established this great nation on the Godly principle of enslaving the black man for the embetterment of America. The Morals Party will address this problem with a new government program called Operation Enduring Negro Freedom. With the institution of what we call "Freedom Slavery," Negroes will be removed from the violent inner cities and returned to the beneficent embrace of servitude. Race relations will return to the harmonious levels of 200 years ago.

- THE ELITE MEDIA: As harbingers of the Morality revolution, the Morals Party will enact a complete reform of our broadcast regulations. All current programming will be removed, with the exception of PAX, Fox News, the Racing Channel, the Outdoor Life Network, Football (but no more games on Sunday), and "Wife Swap". All vacated space will be replaced with religious and family friendly programming. Anyone responsible for airing profanity or female nipple will be stoned.

- WITCHCRAFT: Overwhelmingly, Americans today seek a return to the values and moral security of the '50s. The Morals Party shares this view, and will take it to the next step by returning America to the 1650s. As evidenced by the 59,028,550 people who voted for the wrong candidate in the recent Presidential election, witchcraft is alive and flourishing in America today. This is why now more than ever we need the Morals Party, to reverse the 300 years of weak-kneed policies perpetrated by the Liberal Left. No longer will you have to just sit back and grit your teeth when your neighbor or co-worker says or does something you don't like. The Morals Party will see to it that any such agitators are imprisoned and prevented from wreaking any more evil. Then, in our Freedom-loving benevolence, we will allow the accused the opportunity to prove their innocence by putting them to one or more of a number of time-proven and God-endorsed tests. In this manner, witchcraft will be purged and God will undoubtedly redouble his efforts in Blessing America.

- TAXES: No more taxes.* What part of "Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's" don't these Fat-cat Washington Bureaucrats understand? No more taxes.* Under the Morals Party, you will be 100%* free to render unto God what is God's.

* Campaign promise does not include taxes necessary to fund 300% increase in global spread of freedom.



With the Good Grace of God on our side, I am confident this platform, coupled with my own charisma and morality, will march to victory at the polls in '08. If any of you feel you would make a good Vice Presidential candidate on the Morals Party ticket, please submit your application here on this web site.

Thank you, and may God continue to bless GFD.

[ Comment on this story ]


    Your Morals Party heart
    by cxreg(cxreg@godfuckingdamnit.com)
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    on Jan 16, 2005 10:33:00 PM
    (#17532)
    Is going to have one hell of a time beating my Donner Party
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    Morality
    by thugbob
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    on Jan 19, 2005 05:48:46 AM
    (#17539)
    The ultimate sin is hate, and many times morality and hate have merged, as with the abortion clinic bombings. Hate and morality merge in the extremist faction of any Creed. My morality is more geared to my personal sense of right and wrong, and my feeling about Humankind. We are all in this together, so why try to choose for someone else what they should do? To me, Immorality consists of theft (in most situations), rape, murder (in most situations), child molestation, abuse........... It isn't for me to choose what someone else wants to injest, or inject. The drug problem is a medical issue thats being handled like a moral and a criminal issue, and the only solution to the problem is to let the medical community handle drug-related matters.

    As a free nation, it is immoral to decide for someone else what their morality should be like. The true evils are hate, poverty, injustice, abuse, war, and intolerance.
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    For the words:Americality, freedomest, Conservatablism
    69 brazilian points for freedomtacular.

    Joke: Bush was being advised of all the world events of the day which wrapped up with a bombing in South America that killed three brazilian citizens. Bush looks very upset and after a brief silence asks "how many is a brazilian?"

    Actual Bush qoute: "These people who are entering this country illegally are breaking the law!"
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