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general I am retarted
by pooptree
gfd messagesYahoo
(the_poop_tree@yahoo.com) on Mar 1, 2005 12:42:50 AM

If you were logged in, you could vote for this story!

I just relized I am fucking retarted!
 
For the first time in a long time (maybe even ever) I stoped and took a good look at myself, and you know what I relised? I am fucking retarted. I don't know when where or how it happened I just know it did. Now I know your wondering how I came about this conclusion so I will fill you in.

Ok, so I'm sitting here chillin out at the computer searching for "cool shit I can do to make my new, used, over priced, bullshit firebird faster and cooler than it really is" when I came up with a great idea (the smoke from my brain still looms thick in the air) I'll join one of those car groups; one of the I'm 45 and haveing a midlife crises so I'm fixin up a pice of shit car so my dick will get hard again sites. And so I did. Well I typed and I typed and well I typed somemore. I wrote all about how when I was like 5 or something I pissed out of my uncles Trans Am window and when I was 17 I test drove one and fell in love with them, you know shit like that. Then I asked one simple question "what can I do to my new, used, over priced pice of shit firebird to make it faster and cooler than it really is so I too can get my dick hard. It wasn't long befor I got my first reply, I was shaking with anticipation, so I opened the e-mail to find a nice well thought out flame to my post.

I guess I have to give you a bit of background here to work with so you can truly understand my retartedness, sorry it came so late in the story but at this poit fuckit you've been reading it for 5 minuts or so anyway you may as well finsh right? I am the product of a shitty sex ed class from the 70's, a broken condom and a six pac of paps blue ribbion, I groudeded up in Virginia with a mom that had one fucked up marriage after anouther, when I was 12 I moved to South Carolina to get away from one of the men that helped me become the turd I am today and started my great new life in South Carolina. Well durning my jurnies in the south carolina public skool system I learned how to smoke something called weed (some people call it marijuana but I don't know why the shit grows all over my back yard just look over the fence and you'll see). Well as I understand it weed or "marijuana" may cause you to lose focas on certain things that may or may not be veary inportant in life like skool and home work, you know smart people shit. As Im sure you can tell by now I droped out and haven't stoped smokeing weed yet and maaaan have the years passed right befor my bloodshot chines eyes. I'm 27 now somehow I mannaged to marrie a college grad student and get a great job that doesn't drug test even if you get hurt. this concludes the background porsion of the story.


Now where was I, oh yes the e-mail flammer. As I recall his name was "tranieman" yes I will repeat that for you "tranie man" (well fuck I thought it was funny). So this tranieman explains to me in somewhat simple english that I am a loser and as smart a the dumbest peenut in the turd because I bought the V6 and not the V8 then he went on about how I must have been out of my mind for paying what I payed for the car, and as if that wasn't bad enough it would seem that I misspelled almost everyother word in my post. At this point any half witted fuckoff with half a cell left would have gone back to reread what they wrote, well not me damnit, I am smart, I know I can spell and use basic grammer, right? So without a second thought I ripped out a flame of my own, man I was pissed. Well I guess you know what happened next so I will just skip that part and make a long long story in to just a long story, we went back and forth about the whole thing over and over. After my 5th reflame I finely thought it might be a good idea to reread the original post just so I could point out that I was not a fucktard and that it was him that was indeed "as smart as the dumbest peenut in the turd". So I got my Marlbors and and went back to the discussion group lit my smoke and had a look......


Well fuck me up my stupied fuckin ass!! It would seem that the Tranieman was right after all. I not only over payed for the car by $4000 dollars (looked that up on the kelly blue book site) but everyother fucking word was actually mother fuckin misspelled, FUCK! Son of a bitch I felt not only dumb as dog shit but embarrassed as all southern hellfire it was like someone took my dick and held it up so they could slap me right in my fuckin nuts. So what did I do next? In the true spirit of my great family name I did what I knew I had to do, I over reacted. I sat right here in this very chair and smoked that mother fuckin cigarett till it burned my fuckin fingers trying my best to come up with something, anything to salvage what little dignity I had left, and when that failed, I smoked some pot.


Marijuana as you may already know and I briefly explained before "can make you forget somethings that may or may not be important to you in you life". I can only hope that that this is one of those times, and in about two more bowls I'll do just that, forget all about my retardation (I hope) and the slap in the nuts from tranieman (fuckin fago). Untill then I'll be right here reflecting seeing what else I can discover about myself and waiting for you to pick my story clean like a ratcoon in a dumpster, but hey at least I'll be high right? I am going to submit this in it orginal form so you can see exatly how retarted I am you'll most likly flame me too but fuckit.


I am retarted, GOD FUCKIN DAMNIT!


[ Comment on this story ]


    The only reason we'd flame you
    by Spanker(munsterinthedark@hotmail.com)
    gfd messagesAIM
    on Mar 1, 2005 07:16:23 AM
    (#17721)
    if because you didn't reread it.
    And god do you deserve it.
    But surprisingly, I can't tell if some of your grammar and spelling errors were intentional- some are certainly convenient and entertaining.
    Either way, 5, because there's only so much pity that can go around for an act you did, and still willingly commit.
    [Reply to this comment]
    Well man....
    by All the hell with it
    gfd messagesAIM
    on Mar 1, 2005 08:28:41 AM
    (#17722)
    Just learn. Before buying anything look up the price first. And the spelling thing, seriously, some people just cannot spell. I dont know why, but they just cant. And regarding the weed, well... lifes short right. Might as well have some fun.
    [Reply to this comment]
    You, sir
    by bwc
    gfd messages
    on Mar 1, 2005 09:32:19 AM
    (#17723)
    are a retart.
    [Reply to this comment]
    Retarted is as retarted does
    by prophylactic(prophylactic@ilovethesmellofru)
    gfd messages
    on Mar 3, 2005 03:16:12 AM
    (#17758)
    Aw man, you're not that retarted. The really retarted thing to do would be to sell the transam and use public transport. Piss out the bus windfow instead.
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