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computers Microsoft Access
by splansing
gfd messages
(suck it) on Mar 14, 2005 01:59:13 PM

If you were logged in, you could vote for this story!

It certainly isn't my first choice. Nobody in their right mind would elect to use Microsoft Access as a development platform.
 
Of course, the people making these decisions seldom have anything on their minds except, "What do we already own?" and "I fucking hate engineers."

Where the fuck does Microsoft get off selling this shit? If I sold software like this to people I would be OUT OF BUSINESS. I called them up at one point to ask them why my database had just completely melted down. The answer I got was this: during development, Access sometimes "gets confused." One possible fix is to export everything in your database to a newly created, blank database.

Recently, I was reading the explanation of how to use a command in visual basic for applications (not to be confused with actual visual basic), and the explanation actually included this: "If the command fails, delete the partially created database and try again."

What the FUCK?!! What does "if the command fails" mean? Why in the hell would it fail? Ah, I see. You have no idea, do you? Otherwise, you probably would have fixed it. Or maybe not. You might just include bullshit like this because the dates that Bill set for release of a new product didn't allow enough time for you to fix every little thing. Like making the goddamn program not completely fucking MELT DOWN AND DESTROY HOURS OF WORK ONCE EVERY FUCKING WEEK.

AAAAAHHHH!!! FUCK SHIT ASSHOLE MOTHERFUCKER CUNT BITCH WHORE TITTIES BITCH!!!!

I have spent 200 hours in the last couple of months cutting code out of a form that doesn't work into a blank form, and watching it work perfectly. Of course, by the time you have chosen this course of action, you have spent HOURS combing through your code looking for some sort of explanation for why the code just stops running. No error message, nothing. I should have been DONE with this fucking project months ago. But randomly, this is what you get. The code is not the problem; it just isn't going to work, is all. Not today, sorry. Well FUCK YOU too.

I really don't have anything else to say. God fucking damn this piece of motherfucking shit. I am so tired of answering questions from my bosses that I don't have a fucking clue about because there are no answers.

Whoops! Earlier I forgot:

DICKFACE PUSSY FART PLACENTA BILE ANUS HELL RECTUM COCKSUCKER

If you don't use Access, then shut your fucking hole; you are probably a pussy who works in some environment that consistently functions as expected and only crashes when your code does something that doesn't make sense.

[ Comment on this story ]


    God damn right gold stargold stargold starthumbs upthumbs uppoopdunce
    by cxreg(cxreg@godfuckingdamnit.com)
    gfd messagesAIM
    on Mar 14, 2005 02:49:25 PM
    (#17914)
    What kind of pansy needs an environment that actually performs in a consistant way? I mean, where's the challenge in that? What's next, roads that actually get repaired in a timely fashion?

    Oh, and btw

    *secret clue* feel free to click [Tag comment] to pictographically chastise me as you see fit
    [Reply to this comment]
      You sir, thumbs upthumbs upthumbs up
      by Spanker(munsterinthedark@hotmail.com)
      gfd messagesAIM
      on Mar 14, 2005 03:34:37 PM
      (#17917)
      are a total faggot.
      I hope you understand the symbolism of my giving you a poopy.
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
        so many meanings to choose from
        by cxreg(cxreg@godfuckingdamnit.com)
        gfd messagesAIM
        on Mar 14, 2005 04:08:13 PM
        (#17918)

        • that I'm egging on this eager new site participant?
        • the fact that my [Tag comment] was not actually clickable despite my invitation to click it?
        • that i literally asked you to do so?

        hmm, i'll take Irony for $500, Alex
        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
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          gfd messages
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          [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
        And what a tasty FAGGOT! gold starthumbs upheartheartheart
        by bean
        gfd messages
        on Mar 14, 2005 04:10:41 PM
        (#17919)
        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
      Fuck the thumbs downdunce
      by splansing(suck it)
      gfd messages
      on Mar 14, 2005 04:37:34 PM
      (#17921)
      tag lines. Don't the replies speak for themselves?

      I have worked in environments that don't randomly fall apart, and I can tell you this: I used to think I was a pretty damn good engineer. Ever since I started using this piece of shit I have no perspective whatsoever. I am like Hansel, lost in the woods, eventually so turned around and confused that I end up fucking Gretel, my own sweet-assed sister with the juicy lips...

      Olu Dara- is that is name? That shit is funky.
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
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      gfd messages
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      (#35383)
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      gfd messages
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      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    fox pro
    by Microsoft Bob(spamburrito@gmail.com)
    gfd messagesAIMICQ
    on Mar 17, 2005 11:30:22 AM
    (#17985)
    I spent quite a bit of time berating fp as the worst "system" that MS ever came up with. It's bad, but not quite that bad (at least it has a CLI and performs relatively constantly). Of course, a lot of it is the programmer involved in Fox Pro-- after I left the looney bin, I was talking with a guy that does FP programming, and the programs he wrote actually worked, and worked well.

    in the case of the program at the looney bin, it had to be reindexed every time you sneezed (literally, 3-6 times a day, including a complete reindex of *EVERYTHING* on startup. Pretty nasty system

    Frankly, I prefer reliable systems like MySQL, and programming languages that "try again" isn't a valid troubleshooting technique.
    [Reply to this comment]
      Certainly
      by splansing(suck it)
      gfd messages
      on Mar 17, 2005 03:19:26 PM
      (#17994)
      the way anyone with any experience using these half-baked systems would feel.

      At the time I was using FoxPro, it wasn't a Microsoft product. This was in 1991, I think it was version 2.1. Microsoft bought them to get them out of the way, so the Access juggernaut could roll on.

      At the time, FoxPro was awesome. This is relatively speaking, you understand. It was exactly what it said it would be, every time. Just like any respectable programming language ought to be.
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
        I should have clarified
        by Microsoft Bob(spamburrito@gmail.com)
        gfd messagesAIMICQ
        on Mar 17, 2005 04:57:06 PM
        (#18002)
        It's not that FP is bad per se, it's that microsoft never updated it-- I can't see much diff between the version in 91 and VFP6.0, which is what we were using... I think they skipped from fp3 to VFP6 in one point change (to catch it up with VB

        anyway, as I said, a guy I met when I was bad mouthing VFP kinda changed my opinion of the system-- It's great for a very specific use--and if you want it to do anything else you're gonna be working on it for a while.

        (shudders at the thought of setting up forms for customers to use in VFP)

        /Bob
        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
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