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general I hate cats
by illuminatus
gfd messages
(illuminatus005 at yahoo) on May 13, 2005 04:43:24 PM

If you were logged in, you could vote for this story!

Today after lunch I was walking back to my car and the sewer started making noises at me. So I looked through the grate and there was a cat down there.
 
It was making those weird low yowling sounds, so maybe it was in pain, or heat. It had no collar. So, I put my hand down there to pet it, and it turns out the cat is friendly.

I decide to rescue this cat from the sewer. I reach down and twist my arm around in a way its probably not supposed to go, and I get the cat to let me pet it on the head. Then I start pulling at its neck and manage to get enough scruff to lift it up. This was a fat cat. I get it up high enough to get my other arm underneath and to lift it through the narrow curb grating. It didn't like that and wiggled away. So I tried again, lifting it from the center of its weight, and the second time I manage to pull the cat out, barely squeezing it through the curb drain. I also got cat hair all over me.

So I stand up and drop the cat down on the ground next to me. And what does it do? It looks at me for half a second then runs back down into the sewer. I gave the sewer the finger and then drove back to work and sneezed a lot, got hives on my arm and my eyes watered.

The moral of this story? I hate cats!

Including yours!

ESPECIALLY yours!

[ Comment on this story ]


    hahaha!
    by bean
    gfd messages
    on May 13, 2005 05:33:39 PM
    (#18615)
    That'll teach you to try to do a good deed!
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    Stupid cats duncedunce
    by Jayo
    gfd messages
    on May 15, 2005 10:24:07 PM
    (#18629)
    All I can say is that cats suck ass. Fuck'em
    [Reply to this comment]
    all things considered, cats are pretty stupid animals
    by mythandros(Suck a Fuck)
    gfd messages
    on May 16, 2005 09:47:51 AM
    (#18633)
    Why do cats get themselves stuck in sewers? The same reason why cats get themselves stuck up in trees. Brillian problem solving, einstien. I've got a great idea: I'm going to find a way to climb up on the fridge and then, since I won't have a plan or clue on how to get down, meow all weekend until my owners come home to pull my biscuits out of the fire.

    Or...

    Maybe it's not a conscious kind of stupid. Maybe it's more of an instinctual thing. So they're not really saying, "I think I'll fuck myself this weekend." They're saying, "I can't help myself. I must climb up somewhere that would get me killed if I didn't have someone to counteract my urges for self-extinction." Either way, horses that pull this shit get shot.

    Don't get me wrong. I love cats. I own a cat which probably gets babied too much. I just hate the inbred stupidity they demonstrate.
    [Reply to this comment]
      Just give them time to figure it out thumbs up
      by Clambo
      gfd messages
      on May 17, 2005 08:49:56 AM
      (#18644)
      As friend of mine once said, "You ever see a cat skeleton in a tree?"
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
        well...
        by mythandros(Suck a Fuck)
        gfd messages
        on May 18, 2005 05:53:29 PM
        (#18656)
        The bottom branch, on most trees, is just about that magic height that, if a cat were to jump, it would probably break something. Any cat would try jumping when faced with the option of "jump" or "starve".

        It would jump, break something, and crawl its crippled ass away to die under some dumpster.

        ...and _that_ is why we don't see cat skeletons in trees.
        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
      I have yet to see
      by kraken
      gfd messages
      on May 17, 2005 10:24:04 AM
      (#18648)
      a cat "stuck" in a tree. I have seen plenty of cats who have climbed up trees and not been inclined to come down to the screaming, hysterical, owner. I call that good sense.
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    Emergency exits
    by illuminatus(illuminatus005 at yahoo)
    gfd messages
    on May 17, 2005 02:20:46 PM
    (#18650)
    There were openings in the sewer, so maybe there was another way out that this cat knew about but wasn't telling me. Though it's unlikely any of them have an easily accessable exit, even for a retarded furball. Damn thing's probably dead by now.
    [Reply to this comment]
    cats poopduncemr yukmr yuk
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    on May 29, 2005 05:42:07 AM
    (#18702)
    a cat fucked you over! doesn't that mean YOU are the retarded furball? tough titty. you're such a baby. *Waahh! mommy, da kitty was mean to me!!WAHH!!*
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