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general Jaws 4 Is The Most Informative Movie EVER
by Carnonymous
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( on May 16, 2005 12:12:35 AM

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After catching 24 (which rocked out) I flipped around the channels and caught the last 1/4 of Jaws 4. Now from Jaws 4 I learned several things I never freakin knew about sharks

- Sharks are vindictful: The movie starts out with Jaws eating one of the Brody kids in Amity harbor. This is of course since Chief Brody killed like 3 of his brothers in previous installments. Not to digress but you would think that these stupid Brodys would learn to never go in the water. I mean for christ's sake it seems wherever they are huge sharks are, kind of like Michael Jackson and little boys. Anyways, this evil great white then follows a pretty skanked out Lorraine Grey (Mama Brody) all the way to the Bahamas where Sean Brody lives. Apparently this shark was pissed its brethen didn't get to take out Sean Brody (played by Dennis Quaid in the highpoint of his career in Jaws 3-D) when he worked at Sea World in Jaws 3-D.

- Sharks Can't Tell One Black Dude From Another: In Jaws 4 the shark goes for Mario Van Peebles, Sweet Sweetbacks Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadass son himself. He probably thought he was Louis Gosset Jr from Jaws 3.

- Sharks Can Roar: Jaws actually roars like a goddamn lion in this turd of a movie. I shit you not, check it out. Not only does the shark roar in the water, he roars as he jumps through the air. Not a little roar either, a godzilla f'in roooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooar.

- Sharks Hate Strobe Lights: Don't even ask me how, but for some reason they develop this thing where one of the Brodys hits a strobe light which pisses the shark off, causes him pain, and causes him to leap in the air roaring. I realize that this still makes the sharks smarter than exstacy riddled ravers, but come on. I mean in the other 3 movies Jaws gets shot, speared, punched, electrocuted, and what not yet a strobe like hurts him? Finally they hit a bright enough strobe to make the shark leap 10 feet into the air, roaring of course, so he can get impaled by the boat and then explode.

Screw Jasque Cousteau or National Geographic I have the USA Network.

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