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people I Really Hate My Neighbors Fat Son (The Webster Chronicles)
by Carnonymous
gfd messagesAIM
(carnonymous@hotmail.com) on May 16, 2005 12:15:30 AM

If you were logged in, you could vote for this story!

So at my pimpalacious apartment complex I had the misfortune of having my neighbors move out and this crappy family move in. Its not even so much that I don't like the family, I just really don't like their fat son.
 
The kids name is Webster, and if that isn't enough of a reason to pick on him he's 12 years old and is already pushing 200 pounds. The kid has got some serious titties going on, he better hope that some deranged Boy Scout troop leader doesn't drive by and kidnap his ass for a summer of sodomy.

To make matters worse I live on the 2nd story of my building. So I have to listen to Webster wheeze his ass up the stairs every day. It sounds like a broken down vacum cleaner is going up the stairs, seriously here's what I hear.

"Step, step, step, step, KAWHEeeeeeeeeeeze PA, Step, Step, Step, Step, KAWHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE PA".

It sickens me to have to listen to this. The other day I am sitting down and trying to watch The Wiggles, and during the middle of "Head Shoulders Knees and Toes" I start hearing that old familiar weezing. So I turn my volume up to 40 on my Sony Flat Screen. The weezing got louder.

So I turn on my surround sound system and crank it up, thus surrounding me with 100 watts a channel of Wiggles surround soundeygoodness. But the weezing got louder.

I wanted to make sure I didn't miss my favorite part, where the Asian Wiggle starts yawning and sleeping, so I ran outside and yanked open my door. "Webster quiet down, some of us are trying to watch the Wiggles. QUIT WHEEZING GODDAMMIT!" I yelled at him. Webster took one look at me and started crying. Serves him right. When I got back in I had missed the goddamn part where Asian Wiggle starts yawning.

I should of gone outside and pushed Webster back down the stairs, but then Lazy Town came on so I decided to spare Webster for the moment. He better thank his lucky stars that a strangely mesmerzing Icelandic kids show came on at just the right moment.

So today I am running late for work, I had been out late the previous night catching Sin City (which kicked ass by the way). So I am in a rush, but should be able to make it on time if I hurry.

I dash out of my door to find Webster going down the stairs. Big deal you say. Well Webster is so fucking wide that it is impossible for me to pass him, combine that with the fact that Stephen Hawking could beat his ass in a footrace and I think you see where I am going. It literally took me two minutes to get down a flight of stairs cuz Shamu had to stop every 4 or 5 steps to catch his breath like he's descending from Everest.

Well I ended up being like 5 minutes late to work thanks to Webster. Thats okay, I already figuring out ways to get back at him. I'll let you know more later.

[ Comment on this story ]


    well, at least you can write...
    by Microsoft Bob(spamburrito@gmail.com)
    gfd messagesAIMICQ
    on May 16, 2005 12:40:32 AM
    (#18631)
    I commend you on your exceptional abilities with the english language (as compared to certain other mouth-breathers who have recently visited our site).

    Now, for the second part of making a GFD truly golden: WRITE SOMETHING WORTH WRITING.

    great, fat kid, great, he made you miss your favorite tv show, and made you late to work. I wouldn't rate this much higher than a "rats" or at most "gosh freaking darnit". Now if said kid decided he's had enough of your abuse so he shit on your door, and you stepped in it *THEN* I can see a GFD. Till then, may I suggest some light reading?

    /Bob
    [Reply to this comment]
    ha duncedunce
    by Jayo
    gfd messages
    on May 16, 2005 11:16:44 AM
    (#18634)
    I hope you are talking about me cause I take pride in pissing people off like you with awesome writting abilities. Considering in my everyday life my writtings abilities have affect on my finacial sucess.
    [Reply to this comment]
    don't sweat it
    by lbrtylvr
    gfd messages
    on May 16, 2005 04:18:07 PM
    (#18639)
    Anyone experiencing enough respiratory distress to drown out 100 watts of audio power while trying to climb one flight of stairs ain't gonna be around that much longer anyway. If it's really bothering you that much I would suggest offering him a nice bacon wrapped Twinkie from time to time.
    [Reply to this comment]
    ??? thumbs up
    by GMFTatsujin(Ask and ye shall receive)
    gfd messagesAIM
    on May 16, 2005 05:32:35 PM
    (#18642)
    What the fuck are Wiggles?
    [Reply to this comment]
    You're an ass thumbs up
    by nusschen
    gfd messagesICQ
    on May 17, 2005 09:04:46 PM
    (#18654)
    He's the one is pain from wheezing, not you. You are merely uncomfortable from listening to it. And what are you doing watching a show called The Wiggles. Preschool?

    You're running late, who's to blame for that. Not Webster. In fact, if you were running on time, he wouldn't have been in your way. Catch 22 for you.

    Webster should be writing this story about you: an inconsiderate asshole that makes life harder for him than it already is by taunting him as he's growing up. Bet you were never a teenager.
    [Reply to this comment]
      I was
      by Leighto
      gfd messages
      on May 18, 2005 01:42:45 AM
      (#18655)
      about to disagree with you and try to defend the GFD, but then I thought to myself,

      "No....no, I'd rather have to look at and deal with a fat fuck all the time, than be one all the time."

      So you're right, he's an asshole, think of the poor children.
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    I was kicking back..... thumbs up
    by originalnickused
    gfd messages
    on May 27, 2005 11:36:38 AM
    (#18696)
    after a hard shift at work the other day, i was meditating in my apartment when some dickhead stoner turns up his sound system with some shit my niece would listen to. At first i thought it was this fat kid i know but he was busy having a miocardial infarction in the stairwell.

    GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!! where's my rifle?
    [Reply to this comment]
    What a gimp.
    by Scotty123(fuck off)
    gfd messages
    on Jun 3, 2005 10:50:17 AM
    (#18733)
    Guess what mate? You're a twat. You are now, and probably will be for the rest of your life, so quit fuckin whining about it and watch your SHIT tv shows, 'cos one day that kid might grow up and have enough of a life not to be bothered by the fat kids in his apartment block. Next you'll be complaining because they've blocked one of the entrances to put in a lift for the disabled. Dear god, that would be tragic. Grow up.
    [Reply to this comment]
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