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customer service I really love Comcast's customer fucking service.
by jsc
gfd messages
(root@real.com) on May 19, 2005 09:58:57 PM

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I hope none of you ever have to call Comcast, for any reason, ever.
 
The words in the English language do not hold the capability of expressing how much I despise Comcast. I'm not joking. When I hear the word "Comcast", I get violent diarrhea and my skull feels like it's fucking implode. FUCK. From the second that my roommate and I decided to get cable internet from them (which had the reputation for being the only decent high-speed provider in this area when we signed up), nothing has went right with this goddamn company, not even the "Hassle-free installation" or their "Friendly and knowledgeable customer service representatives".

I'd like to think that my roommate and I have been good customers ever since we got the service. Really. We don't steal any channels (like every other person on the block claims to), we put up with small outages (which always seem to land on the days that I NEED access to the internet for work or school), and we always pay our bill, and it's never late. *Side note: No, I'm not looking for a pat on the back for paying the bill on time. However, in the interest of clarity, it seems that for the most part the people that do the most bitching about things, in this case, cable internet service, are the bottom-feeders that don't pay their bills on time (or at all) and then wonder why they get shut off. That isn't us.

Anyway. The cable bill comes in the mail, just as it always does during the first week of the month. My roommate and I decided when we first moved in together to obviously split the bills, but as far as mailing them out goes, we each have our own that we mail out (I mail out the cable, he mails out the electric bill, etc). Well, this month, for some reason or another, he grabbed the cable bill and sent it off before I got it, to which I thought "Hey, no big deal". However, he'd apparently misplaced the return envelope and looked online for an address and sent the bill to it.

It was the wrong address. Obviously, it was returned...but no big deal. It came back on the day that our bill was due, so to avoid any problems I decided to just call them and see about paying via credit card for this month. This was at about 11:30am.

I call Comcast (this is important, as my name is not the name on the account...my roommate's is...this comes into play shortly) and explain the situation to the bumpkin on the other side of the phone. She is very friendly and after I pay informs me that it was a good thing that I called when I did, as we were going to get shut off at 3pm. Whew! That was a close one. I've got some things for school that I really need to get finished up tonight, and I'd hate to be stuck on the phone with tech suppo...do we see where this is going?

You got it. Sure as shit, about 3pm-ish, the fucking internet stops working. I sit in my chair and kind of giggle for a second. "There's no fucking way...", I thought to myself. So I call up Comcast's billing department and let them know that something has been fucked up, and that we shouldn't have been shut off. She takes about 15 minutes to comprehend the situation, and then decides that it's something that tech support needs to look at. FUCK. Whatever. I've got time today, so I'll hang on for a few (20) minutes and listen to some jackoff explain the wonders of power cycling my modem.

Well, I eventually got through to some asshole who was clearly just reading me instructions out of their knowledge base, and he got to the end and proclaimed that everything was ok, and that this was a billing issue....yeah. Time to enforce the "No Bullshit Policy" that I have for when it comes to phone support. I asked to speak with a supervisor, and he reluctantly got one on after a few minutes.

The supervisor, I forget his name, but for the time being, let's refer to him as Fuckballs McShitdick. He comes on and assures me that it's a billing problem, apologizes for the wait, and then says he is going to transfer me to billing. Obviously, this is going to fucking work, since I've just got off the phone with billing, and I just gave them my credit card number. I explain the situation to him and for some reason says "Alright. Can I get you to verify some information? What's your name and address so i can pull up your account information?". Yes! We're getting somewhere! But wait..after giving him MY name (again, not on the account), he informs me that he's not able to work on the account unless the account holder is on the line, as it is a possible security violation.

Fuck. The roommate isn't home. Don't know where he went, but his car isn't around. Fuck.

But this really, really, REALLY stumps me. How can THIS be a fucking security violation, when I JUST got off the phone with BILLING; those people had no problems telling me exactly what happened to the account, the balance to the account, etc (fully understanding that it wasn't the account holder..hell, I even I paid with MY fucking credit card!). Unfortunately, there's nothing this guy can do. "Well, if you're not going to do anything for me, then I'll need to speak with your supervisor", I said.

He apparently didn't like this, and retorted with "Excuse me...sir? I don't know if you know this, but you're actually talking to a supervisor right now...and y'know, due to the regulations lately, y'know, uh, they've been cracking down on this kind of thing...but I really do appreciate your honesty, saying that you're not the account holder and all."

What the FUCK!?!??!?!?!

I ask him, "What if I told you my name was [my roommate's name] at the beginning of this call. What then? how would you have verified that?"

He's got nothing to say. "Well, like I said...due to the regulations they put down these days..."

Who the FUCK are "THEY"?? Whatever. I'm done with this fuckhammer. I demand a case number or some kind of record of my call and hang up. I'll call back and get this guy's supervisor and give him an earful. I've wasted way too much time on this fucking bullshit already.

Guess what I do? I call right back. Wait the mandatory 15 minutes or so to speak with another person, Shawn.

This guy really has his shit straight. He takes one look at the account, says "Oh, your account is in [whatever it was] status. I can get that fixed for you. I'm going to put you on hold, I'll be back in 5-10 minutes." Yeah right, I thought. 5-10 minutes.

However, 5-10 minutes later, he comes back on the line, and tells me to power cycle. So I do, and it works. I don't know if I should be happy, or if I should be angry that it was so easily fixed after just pissing away the remainder of my afternoon and most of my evening. Whatever, fuck it. It's fixed.

I get a case number from Shawn too, and I plan tell his supervisor how good of a job he did, compared to Mr. McShitdick from earlier.

So, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you, Shawn. Why am I thanking you HERE, on godfuckingdamnit.com? Because with all of the windowlickers that you work with, I know that you have to visit this site at least 5 times a day.

Oh, and what ever happened to calling back and complaining about the fucking run-around that I got from the first "supervisor"? Well, remember that piece of paper with the case number? Yeah. I put it in my pocket and it ended up going through the wash.

God fucking damnit.

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