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Stories Comments Both
people Random Tucson Encounters With TheChisa
by TheChisa
gfd messages
(come@me.bro) on May 25, 2006 12:52:23 AM

If you were logged in, you could vote for this story!

No story, just a collection of shitty, shitty people who have pissed me off enough to warrant the Wrath of the Chisa Fist.
 
INSTANCE #1: BUM REPELLENT

Chisa enters Walgreens. Bum is standing outside entrance. Chisa assumes that, like all other Tucson bums, this one will accost him for change when he exits store.

Chisa acquires needed items and pays at counter. Before he leaves, he asks, "Hey, could I get an employment application while I'm here?" Cashier happily hands one over.

When Chisa exits, bum asks, "HEY BUD, GOT ANY SHPARE SHANGE?" Chisa wordlessly hands bum application and walks away.


INSTANCE #2: CAR ALARM CRAZY

Chisa gets out of shower to find car alarm is going off right outside his door. Chisa dries himself, dresses, checks email. Car alarm keeps going off. Every time car alarm appears to stop, it triggers again immediately after.

Chisa puts up with noise for ten minutes, then grabs boxcutter and heads for door.

Chisa opens door to find crazy homeless guy literally kicking someone's car every time alarm stops, gazing on it uber-crazily as if it is delivering him messages from Jesus.

Bum looks up as Chisa approaches, weilding razor blade. "Hey HEY," says Chisa, "I was just gonna slice the tires on whoever's car was fucking up my leisurely evening, but instead I think I'll SLICE OFF YOUR FUCKING HEAD."

Bum runs. Chisa goes inside.


INSTANCE #3: JUST TRYING TO HELP

Screen door is closed, main door is open, allowing fresh night air into home. Group of drunken, loud, promdress-clad whores stop in front of Chisa's house, deciding for some reason to hang out on Chisa's porch.

Chisa listens to their prattle for about five minutes. Then, Chisa picks up one of his department store mannequins and places it in front of the screen door, facing outwards.

Drunken whore says. "OHMYGAWD, WHAT IS THAT GUY DOING?"

Chisa says, "Hey, I just thought you bitches could use another friend on your level."

Whores leave.


MORE ADVENTURES IN FAILURE TO COME!

[ Comment on this story ]


    commemt heart
    by bean
    gfd messages
    on May 25, 2006 02:36:09 AM
    (#22092)
    love #3. just my style. i expected pictures.
    [Reply to this comment]
    *Applause*
    by Starpixye
    gfd messages
    on May 25, 2006 11:05:43 PM
    (#22097)
    lovely
    [Reply to this comment]
    Indeed.
    by mountie218
    gfd messages
    on May 26, 2006 01:54:27 AM
    (#22098)
    That was the proper way to deal with all three situations.
    [Reply to this comment]
    fun with bums (no, not that kind. Ok, maybe that kind. Depends on your sickness of mind, I guess)
    by egogg(1337@clownpenis.fart)
    gfd messages
    on May 26, 2006 02:47:43 AM
    (#22099)
    Yeah, reminds me of the time I was a wee lad visiting New Orleans. A bum walked up to the car for change, and as luck would have it, I got car sick and horked my oyster po-boy all over the guy.
    [Reply to this comment]
    Nice, TheChisa, nice job.
    by nusschen
    gfd messagesICQ
    on May 28, 2006 01:57:45 AM
    (#22112)
    You need bum-whore-repellant.
    [Reply to this comment]
    There's no success like failure, and failures no success at all... thumbs up
    by RainbowTrout(YouPeople@all-yall.com)
    gfd messages
    on May 29, 2006 12:24:54 PM
    (#22125)
    I know you and I know you were just savoring the krapping you were able to hand out to these people.

    In fact, this almost seems scipted, like episodes from your forthcoming sitcom "That's our Chisa!" that recasts the Archie Bunker in the high deserts of southern Arizona.

    Regardless, while number one was good, number two made me laugh out loud.
    [Reply to this comment]
    I think you saved the best for last
    by cazualdiva(cazualdiva@notmail.com)
    gfd messages
    on Jun 20, 2006 07:54:05 PM
    (#22203)
    I wish I could've been there. Hell, I wish I had done it. Females like that (which seems to be most) are why I usually hang with the guys. Us girls are scrapbooking in the kitchen and drinking wine coolers! Wanna join us? I'll take poker and a beer with the boys in the garage, but thanks!

    Whenever a bum asks me for money for booze I give to 'em just for being honest about it.
    [Reply to this comment]
      Yeah
      by TheChisa(come@me.bro)
      gfd messages
      on Jun 20, 2006 11:49:06 PM
      (#22204)
      Some comedian I heard recently said "A guy told me not to give a bum money because he's just gonna use it for alcohol. I said 'Hey wait a minute -- that's what *I'm* gonna use it for, too.'"
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
        That's from a song
        by cazualdiva(cazualdiva@notmail.com)
        gfd messages
        on Jun 21, 2006 07:08:28 PM
        (#22211)
        Called "underwear goes inside the pants" by Lazyboy. It's fucking hilarious and makes you think. Download and check it out, or I could send it to you. I think you will like.
        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    Oh Cheesa,
    by GFDman(mike at godfuckingdamnit point com)
    gfd messagesAIM
    on Jun 23, 2006 12:45:49 AM
    (#22214)
    I heart your adventures in Hellplaneteering.
    [Reply to this comment]
    Essay
    by KylenSullivan(royalbrixton@gmail.com)
    gfd messages
    on Nov 28, 2018 02:19:51 AM
    (#33888)
    I'm inspired with the surpassing and preachy listing that you furnish in such little timing. Capital Gains Tax
    [Reply to this comment]

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