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|Gather 'round children, it's time for a tale.|
|September 1, 2006|
I'm driving to a friend's house after a long assed shitty day at work. I've been going since 6AM and motherfucker, I'm tired! I live in what many consider "upstate NY", really it's only 1.5 hours north of the city, but regardless, it's rather rural, and we have many "woodland creatures" that like to battle with cars. Usually I can see their glowing satanic eyes lurking in the shadows, just waiting for the perfect time to jump out in front of me. Tonight however, that furry fuck got me.
Driving along, I see something HUGE leap off from the embankment right in front of me at windshield level. Instinctively, (though I knew better), I swerved to miss it. Next thing I know I open my eyes and look around my car, all of the glass is busted out, the airbags have gone off, there's white powder everywhere and everything in my car is not where it was when I began driving....WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED??? I blacked out, and don't remember rolling my car....but yes, oh yes, that thing rolled...a few times, and ended up in a pretty stone wall. I busted my way out of the car to find my friend running towards me, he had already called 911, wonderful. Looking around, I see the front end of my car on the other side of the road, my left tire is flat, just an all out mangled mess! Somehow, I'm fine..airbag burns and seatbelt bruises...otherwise a-ok (Boys and Girls, Always wear your seatbelt!)
So the paramedics and cops arrive...yippee! After telling the paramedics that I'm fine, and having one of them deliver the shocking news that *gasp* my heart is racing! I sign a waiver that I refused hospital treatment and they're on their merry way. Not the cop though, oh no...
He informs me that there's no way this accident could have happened if I wasn't drunk...gives me a breathalizer, the whole nine. Whatever, jackass. He even asks me, "If you were swerving to miss the deer, where's the deer?" Umm...let's see, Asshole, I MISSED IT AND THEREFORE ROLLED MY CAR RIGHT INTO THAT STONE WALL!!!!! So when all else failed, he issues me a ticket, "Failure to keep right" because my car was obstructing traffic. MmmHmm So yesterday I went to the good old courthouse to pay this ticket. New law in NY is, there are no plea bargains, either pay the ticket, or go onto a full trial..lawyer, jurors, everything. Yes, I know I could have fought it...but honestly, I didn't feel like going through all of that nonsense. So, $130.00 and a new car later, that night has finally come to a close!
Ah! Edit: I forgot to include the kicker!!!
I had been under my father's insurance policy, $220/month. I have this accident in which my car is above and beyond totaled....only to find out that..surprise!!!!!!!!! two hundred and twenty fucking dollars a month and no FUCKING collision!!!!!!!!!!! so needless to say, I had to all out BUY another car....yes, GFD indeed.