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general The Ugliest People in America vs Self-Delusional Asshole Hipsters
by Haceldama
gfd messages
(I don't like you, either) on Dec 10, 2006 11:02:23 AM

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I have not been to Wal-Mart in over two years. In explaining why I avoid this hellhole, I could cite all of the requisite, politically correct, trite rhetoric that most people espouse as their reason for shunning it. "It eventually cripples the local economy by forcing out small businesses" or "They hire marginalized (insert minority here) workers and treat them like shit" and blah blah blah. These reasons may be good ones; they may even be true. Whatever. To me, the rhetoric has always amounted to an intellectual posture that avoids the brutal truth.
 


Simply put, the ugliest people in America shop at Wal-Mart. I avoid entering Wal-Mart for the same reason that I avoid going to buffet-style restaurants, fast-food joints, and the Rockford Speedway...these places are rife with the ugliest, stupidest cross-section of Americans. They are peopled with the nimrods that I have worked an entire lifetime to avoid. One look at a Wal-Mart parking lot tells you all you need to know about the creatures within; any place where 3 out of 4 cars display Dale Earnhardt stickers, those god-awful, puke-worthy "I Support our Troops" ribbon magnets, or have the phrase "Git-R-Done" stenciled on the actual vehicle is bound to be a frightening sociological experiment. A Petri dish of ignorance, hairspray, patriotism, Pabst, chrome rims, bandanas, spandex, and firearms. Fuck.
The only form of life lower than a regular Wal-Mart customer is the hipster that shuns them. It is one thing if you think that Wal-Mart has ugly, poorly-constructed merchandise, if you have a real ethical issue with it (and you're not a total hypocrite about it), or if you are like me and the patrons alternately repulse you and scare the bejesus out of you. It's quite another to take some kind of fucked-up moral high ground where you get on a fucking soapbox and preach to everybody about the evils of capitalism, big business, and "Corporate America". Just shut up. Unless you are living in a cabin that you built yourself with hand-forged nails and wood from tress that you personally grew, raising your own livestock, weaving your cloth out of cotton or flax that you grew in your yard, and sewing them into clothes, just shut the fuck up.
Besides, we all know that you are not living in a cabin, because you tell us all about the cool loft that you live in at every fucking opportunity. You want to pretend that you're poor and artistic, because you think that this somehow imbues you with nobility, talent, and high purpose. You want to believe that you are anti-capitalist and anti-establishment because you eschew the mall in favor of the newest trendy "Vintage Boutique". Newsflash, assholes. Paying $50.00 for a "vintage" belt buckle that originally sold for $7.99 in 1985 at the "He-Haw Western Wear" does not make you anti-capitalist. It makes you stupid. Do you honestly believe that the proprietor of that oh-so-hip "Vintage Boutique" isn't benefiting from your attitude and laughing all the way to the bank? Do you really think they are living the life of "the proletariat"? Fuck no...they're drinking $5.00 cups of coffee just like you. I do not give two shits if you want to spend your parent's money on a mint, first pressing of "Ziggy Stardust". I get it. Bowie Rocks. I have a copy of "Ziggy Stardust" too, only it is on CD, I paid $9.99 for it, and it will probably outlast me, as long as I don't try to decapitate you with it when I'm drunk. You don't like Bowie anyway, you only bought the fucking record to show how cool you are to all of your vacant, hipster friends. How nice, you can spend the night drinking whatever's cool (and tastes like ass) these days and have a pseudo-intellectual circle jerk about capitalism, your record collection, and the $40.00 you paid for the rag on your back that some weirdo sweated in 25 years ago. Have fun, man.

[ Comment on this story ]


    .
    by sleestack
    gfd messages
    on Dec 10, 2006 11:19:49 PM
    (#22981)
    Hehe, This is beautiful. Sadly, I find Ethan more annoying than Tanya.
    [Reply to this comment]
    Besides which,
    by TheChisa(come@me.bro)
    gfd messages
    on Dec 11, 2006 01:53:07 AM
    (#22982)
    any record connoisseur worth his salt knows that "Low" is where it's at for Bowie.

    But everyone pretty much knows how I feel about hispters at this point.
    [Reply to this comment]
    This might please you ...
    by QuizzMizz(a.quiz@nine.kills.time)
    gfd messages
    on Dec 13, 2006 09:17:41 AM
    (#23000)
    WalMart has gone bottoms-up in Germany, had to sell out because they were unable to implement their "style" here, not with the customers and not with the employees.

    But then, the whole society is structured differently, kids here don't tend to hang out at malls or the like anyway (it's parks and poolhalls; [internet]cafés for the wannabe hipsters), there's not as much "white trash" and there are nowhere near the same numbers of minority or illegal workers to be exploited. And since everything's usually so much closer together here geographically, low prices or accessibility are no sales argument. There are plenty of other, cheaper discount chains in the vicinity to compete with. There are also still quite a few not-so-cheap, but personal mom & pop stores where the employees actually recognize their customers and sometimes even know their names. This goes down particularly well with the growing elderly demographic that have the money.

    So bye-bye WalMart - No tears will be shed at your funeral here.

    As for the assholes - WalMart doesn't make 'em, just attracts them. We got 'em here, too, they just don't have Supercenters to congregate in.
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