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people Fuck kids.
by Cremacious
gfd messages
( on Aug 8, 2010 08:44:36 PM

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Kids are annoying. All they do is make noise and break things. I hope I never make the mistake of having one.

My hatred of kids started when I was around 7 years old. I had this toy that was a car wash for my Hot Wheels. I would pretend the soapy foam was some energy type ...stuff... that supercharged my cars. Then, my cars would go extra fast and win races. It was a complex piece of plastic that was top of the line in elutraiting automobiles. It was perhaps one of my favorite toys. One day, I came home from school to find it broken beyond repair. During my absence my mom had one of her friends come over, and her friend's son played with my toy. He broke it.

Ever hear a kid crying in public? Doesn't it just piss you off? Every time a child cries, a kitten contemplates suicide. It is extremely easy to make a child cry, and this is because kids are pansies. You didn't buy them the toy they wanted, so they go ape shit in the middle of the store. When I was a kid, my dad would drag me out of the store and spank me if I acted up in public. More people need to do this.

I once had this little kid who lived by me. He would always want to play games with me. I told him no, but of course, kids never listen. So to get him to leave me alone, I gave him some extra strength chocolate laxatives. He spent the rest of the day crying, and I spent it laughing. I still remember watching him run down the street, shitting himself, and yelling "MOOOOOOOM!" I then went home and played video games.

Little kids also like stupid things. Hannah Montana? Jonas Brothers? iCarly? Chowder? Those shows suck. What ever happened to Rocko's Life, Angry Beavers [insert dirty joke here], and Ren and Stimpy? Those shows were fantastic. Today, kid shows talk down to kids, and make them dumber. Ever watch a kid show nowadays? I can hear myself getting stupider. It is almost as bad as MTV.

But maybe kids suck because parents make them that way. On day at a grocery store I saw an extremely obese little girl (around 5) being pushed around in one of those carts meant for old people. If you're child is such a lard ass that she can't walk around a store, then I think that somewhere down the line you fucked up as a parent. And to top it off, the little girl was munching on a cookie.

If I was a parent, I would tell my kid that the monster in his closet will eat him if she doesn't behave. I also have a plan for when my kid begs me to go to Disney Land. I'll pack up the car and drive to an old burned down warehouse. I'll then shout "OH NO! WHAT HAPPENED?!" If my kid cries that he didn't get to see Mickey Mouse, I'll point to a dead rat and say "There he is!"

[ Comment on this story ]

    by sLaiN(
    gfd messages
    on Aug 8, 2010 10:46:21 PM
    You are very lucky, if I acted up in a store, or for that matter do ANYTHING my dad doesnt like, he would beat the hell out of me with a goddamn two by four. That still stands as of today
    [Reply to this comment]
    I hope you don't have kids, too.
    by Invictus(
    gfd messages
    on Aug 9, 2010 06:16:03 AM
    You're a whiny asshole. Go flog yourself with the Wire Brush of Enlightenment.
    [Reply to this comment]
      Really? Is this you trying to be helpful?!?
      by scarygermanguy(
      gfd messages
      on Aug 10, 2010 02:58:42 AM
      Next time tell him to flog his balls with the Wire Brush of Enlightenment.
      Jesus, it's like some people don't think before they post here anymore.
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
        While we're on the subject
        by Invictus(
        gfd messages
        on Aug 16, 2010 09:11:08 AM
        I hope you don't have kids, too.
        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
          Don't worry man...
          by scarygermanguy(
          gfd messages
          on Aug 16, 2010 09:14:54 PM
          Not a chance in hell of that happening, I got myself fixed at the ripe old age of 23.

          I've spent too much time around my rabbit-like family and decided I never wanted to go down that path.
          [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
            Duz yor fambly...
            by The Gaborg(Sidekick in my own life)
            gfd messages
            on Aug 19, 2010 04:26:12 PM
            ...hop arund chompin on carots?

            (Sorry, sorry for that, I promise I'll never bring catspeak onto GFD's hallowed grounds again.)
            [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
              lolcats grammar aside...
              by scarygermanguy(
              gfd messages
              on Aug 19, 2010 10:35:55 PM
              The reason I have no desire for any kids of my own is because my balls pretty much have poison in them.

              A long family history of heart disease, alcoholism, cancer, birth defects and the fact that every generation seems to be getting stupider sealed that deal for me.

              My favorite aunt recently asked me if I ever regretted my decision, and I politely responded by asking about her oldest boy, who's spending most of this year in prison for selling fake crystal meth to a cop.

              Not an undercover cop mind you, I'm talking about in a full "everyday police uniform" cop.
              [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                I know...
                by murdersgalore(wacking@yourfuneral.cum)
                gfd messagesMSN
                on Aug 20, 2010 02:12:18 AM
                ....the cops around here get pretty pissed when you rip them off. Always sell the real shit to the cops. They get all the good drugs already. They know better.
                [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                Know Thy Self
                by PuraVida
                gfd messages
                on Sep 6, 2010 10:34:25 PM
                I wanted to get my tubes tied at 19 but the doctor said no. I have a lot of the same poison in my eggs.

                Even though I actually did become a Mom a couple of years ago, I still hate everyone's kids but my own. I wish I could punch a couple of parents for their loud gross fucking kids.

                And why the FUCK do parents let their kids suck all over salt shakers and ketchup bottles at a restaurant? My little guy is almost two and if he tried that shit, I would knock the salt shaker out of his dirty little hands.

                Kids are gross, inconsiderate and loud...which is why I only like mine.
                [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                  Slight correction:
                  by The Gaborg(Sidekick in my own life)
                  gfd messages
                  on Sep 8, 2010 09:10:07 AM
                  Kids from parents who were gross, inconsiderate, and loud as kids are gross, inconsiderate, and loud.

                  ...aaaaaand that must be the shittiest sentence I ever wrote, sorry.
                  [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    by razorfuckingrazor
    gfd messagesYahoo
    on Aug 18, 2010 02:18:31 PM
    I hate kids as well, especially after working for Extend-a-Care-4 kids, but the laxative thing was too fucking much, oh and also grow the fuck up you douche. A grown ass man bitching and moaning about cartoons, get the fuck outta here with that bullshit pinche pendejo cabron, que carajo penocha
    [Reply to this comment]
      I totally hate to be a bitch...
      by grandtheftcondom(
      gfd messages
      on Aug 21, 2010 02:07:24 AM
      but I'm gonna be one anyway. This is clearly a website that is English-based. If you feel the need to insult someone, please do it in the decided upon language. We're all adults here (well, we're all supposed to be adults) and let me assure you, everyone welcomes harsh criticism and foul language. Either grow up and just say whatever you need to say or go back to high school where swearing in another language is still "cool". By the way, most adults watch cartoons these days, and this guy wasn't really bitching about today's cartoons. He was bitching about the weird kid-friendly sitcoms all the fucking channels are airing these days. Duh. Other than that, you're right, the ex-lax thing was way too much. But I still think you're an idiot.
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
        whats the
        by razorfuckingrazor
        gfd messagesYahoo
        on Aug 23, 2010 12:54:13 PM
        Seriously dude when did people in this country become so pretentious and assholey? Or has it always been that way? Also I am in the procecss of learning a second language and using Spanglish is helpful so before you go around calling people idiots and morons think about shit, honestly. Mother fucker, also Family Guy and Neighbors from Hell are animated sitcoms not cartoons, there is a dividing difference between the two and if you actually had some of the simpliest common sense then you would know that, whats on [Adult swim] is waaaaay different that whats on the same channel during the day piche pinocha.
        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    Whenever I see parents hitting their kids in public gold starthumbs up
    by TheChisa(come@me.bro)
    gfd messages
    on Aug 21, 2010 05:56:56 AM

    Perhaps a bit traumatic for the child in the short term, but I'm guessing it prevents many further beatings later.
    [Reply to this comment]
    Parents' responsibility
    by NotSpikey(
    gfd messages
    on Sep 1, 2010 12:29:17 PM
    Kids can be great. I have two kids. They're a pleasure most of the time, but I recognize that I feel this way because they're *my* kids.

    I understand disliking kids. Personally, I dislike dogs. They're loud, messy, smelly, drooling creatures that bump into things and invade my personal space. I can see people disliking kids for the same reasons.

    To the extent that kids bother people, IMO that's the fault of the parents - at least up to a certain age (not sure what age). My kids continually pester me to play with them but hey, they're my kids so it's okay. If I let them run around bothering random people that would be my fault as a parent. It would be like letting a dog run around without a leash.

    Regarding your Hot Wheels car wash, IMO the problem was your mom for being so careless loaning out your toys. Consider the other kid like a dog given something to chew on. Don't blame the dog for chewing on it. That's not to say you were like a dog; you were a 7-year-old reasoning mini-person whose property had just been damaged. After your mom made that mistake she should have apologized to you and either replaced the toy or asked you what would have made it up to you, within reason.

    My rule of thumb is treat kids like adults whenever possible, but realize that they aren't actually adults.
    [Reply to this comment]
    Words to live by...
    by PuraVida
    gfd messages
    on Sep 6, 2010 10:24:34 PM
    I don't get why parents are always complaining about how tough it is to raise kids. You joke around with them, you give them pizza, you give them candy, you let them live their lives. They're adults for God's sake. ~Michael Scott
    [Reply to this comment]
    i agree
    by fergo100
    gfd messages
    on Sep 14, 2010 02:43:20 AM
    i completely fucking agree with you. Fuck kids.
    [Reply to this comment]
    so not true
    by leelee
    gfd messages
    on Nov 30, 2010 10:58:47 AM
    what about adventure time and flapjack awesome shows. the disney channel pretty much sucks.
    [Reply to this comment]
    by raverkid(
    gfd messages
    on May 12, 2011 09:58:48 PM
    Fuck kids, that is all
    [Reply to this comment]

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