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by IAmAna
gfd messages
( on Feb 27, 2012 02:21:43 PM

If you were logged in, you could vote for this story!

You know, just because I don't tip the scales at 200 lbs does not mean I have problems. It means I'm not as disgustingly fat as you are. Period.
I am in college. I do very well in my studies, and at this time I am an A - B average student. I have friends. I am well adjusted. Do I dare say that I am happy? Fuck yes I do.

Unfortunately, there are some unhappy people out there. And you know how it goes, misery loves company. They assume that if their lives are miserable, everyone else is leading a miserable existence right along with them. If you claim to be happy, you are in denial and you have problems.

I weigh 104 and stand at 5'4. Apparently, this must mean that I'm a victim of an eating disorder and that deep down inside, I'm really just calling for help.


Yes, I fast. Yes, I consume probably 1/2 the calories the so-called health professional think a person needs. Yes, I exercise a hell of a lot more than others. Yes, I've practiced the binge-and-purge. Yes, I have thinspiration everywhere. But you know what? I'm happy. I am content. The burn of my muscles as I push to run another mile gives me a rush no drug could ever offer. The hunger pangs as I get during the day offer a sense of inner peace and euphoria. If this is really killing me (which it is not. I want to be thin, not dead. I fucking know the difference) then at least I die happy, and not miserable with low self-esteem.

How many other people do you know that be naked and not ashamed? I can stretch out in my apartment and run my hands over my body, feeling nothing but bone structure and lean muscle mass.

Everything was going so splendidly. I was practicing hatha yoga in the park, working on breathing control when my cell rang. I don't recognize the number, but I answer it anyway. It's a friend that I have not seen or heard from in quite some number of years. She says she'll be in town for the night, and she wants to catch up. So we make plans to hang out at a local club.

Here I feel it neccessary to tell you that when I was in middle school, I went through a chubby stage. I was picked on and teased ruthlessly. I moved away halfway through high school. It was then I became what is known as Pro-Ana. For me, it was almost a religious experience. During middle school, my friend was the only friend I had, probably because she was chubby too.

We meet up at the club last Saturday. She was huge. I mean, big enough to make even the most diehard foodie think about fasting for a day... or maybe forever. But hey, I'm not shallow. I tell myself, Well, if she's happy, then I'm happy for her. Clearly, this sentiment doesn't work if you're friend is skinny.

"Wow," she says. "You look really thin."
I smile. "Thanks! It's a constant battle, but I feel good."
"No, I mean really thin. Are you okay?"
"Yes," I say firmly. "I am okay. I am happy. I feel good."

Nothing else is said for a bit. There was some no-name band playing that was totally rocking, and we listen and jam out for a bit. She goes to the bar to order drinks and asks what I want. I don't drink, as a rule. I think it's a bunch of empty calories consumed for an excuse to look stupid and not give a shit. If I want to look stupid, I'll sign up for the cheerleading squad and go the fucking pep rally.

"I'll have a glass of ice water with a twist of lime."
"Oh," she says, clearly disappointed. "No real drinks?"
"No. I want to go running after this, and I don't want to attempt it drunk. Besides, drinking might screw up my weight goal."
She stares at me. I mean, her eyes fucking crawled over my body. *Shudder*
"Are you still trying to lose weight?"
"Well, I'm not at my weight goal yet, and besides, I still have to maintain what I have gained."
"You know, anorexia is a serious problem. So many people can die from it. I can't believe you'd want any part in that. I can't believe you'd be so shallow."
Ummm... so wait. Not saying anything to a fat person is deep, but you can judge skinny people? WTF?!
"Shallow is judging someone based entirely on their appearence. If I were shallow, I'd say something about your weight. Note that I did not. Also note that you are saying something about my weight, and judging my entirely on my appearence. That's shallow."
Needless to say, we are not on speaking terms, which is just fucking fine with me.

Starvation requires control.
Control requires strength.
I am strong.
My bones are beautiful.

[ Comment on this story ]

    Well then
    by grandtheftcondom(
    gfd messages
    on Feb 29, 2012 12:26:45 PM
    1) I thought your rant (the part where you actually mention what pissed you off) was well founded. There's nothing worse than a fat person looking down their nose at someone who is thin.

    2) DO NOT defend your lifestyle. If you are so defensive about it before anyone even says anything about it, then even you are aware that you have problems.

    That said, I do not care if anorexia or pro-ana or what-the-fuck-ever is a disease or faith. Either way, it keeps the constantly growing population in check, and therefore is just fucking fine with me. As long as I don't have to deal with it, I honestly lack a fuck to give.
    [Reply to this comment]
      by OMFGGFD(hate@me.motherfucker)
      gfd messagesMSN
      on Mar 1, 2012 09:47:03 AM
      im so sorry, grandtheftcondom. i truly apologize for every bad deed i have ever done involving you, although i know that i can never be redeemed in your eyes. you may be wondering why i changed my attitude towards you, and the reason is because saying "i lack a fuck to give" is SO AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
        by grandtheftcondom(
        gfd messages
        on Mar 1, 2012 12:50:17 PM
        Did you finally refill that prescription? Is that what's going on? Fuck being redeemed. Who cares? Silly asshat troll posts are in the past. Besides, I've made a resolution to ignore troll posts (unless I'm drunk, bored, or don't realize it's a troll). If you opt to post something not troll like, know now that I will view it without any hositility. Well, at least any more hositility than I usually have for all that breathes air. Either way, I will disregard your past trollish activity. :)
        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    Yeah! FUCK those fat people! dunce
    by TheChisa(come@me.bro)
    gfd messages
    on Mar 1, 2012 12:10:50 AM
    Well, I certainly will not judge you on your appearance, because the breadth of awful character qualities you exhibit in this piece -- self-centeredness, rhetorical equivalence, blanket hatred of large swaths of people, etc. -- makes me utterly disgusted with you no matter WHAT you look like.

    You're an awful, horrific piece of shit, and no amount of dieting will fix you.

    BTW, I'm 300 lbs, and I'm typing this naked RIGHT NOW. Boo yah!
    [Reply to this comment]
      by OMFGGFD(hate@me.motherfucker)
      gfd messagesMSN
      on Mar 1, 2012 09:47:56 AM
      300 lbs? well, tha does'nt change your awesomeness. which is alot of awesomeness.
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
      Oh Chisa
      by grandtheftcondom(
      gfd messages
      on Mar 1, 2012 12:52:10 PM
      With that kind of information, you can say goodbye to your fallback job of jerking off people.
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
      what the...?
      by IAmAna(
      gfd messages
      on Mar 6, 2012 03:23:34 PM
      I have no problem with the way any one looks. I don't fucking care. Do what makes you happy. If weighing 300 lbs makes someone happy, fucking good for them. I'm not judging anyone. What I was bitching about was how quick people are to judge me for doing what makes ME happy.
      I wasn't saying that everyone needs to start dieting. I wasn't talking about how fat people are disgusting. I don't feel that way. I honestly fucking don't. If a fat person is happy being, then I'm happy for them. I, however, am not happy being fat. I am happy being anorexic. I was complaining that a friend, who was supposed to be my fucking friend actually thought less of me because I was losing weight. Maybe if you stopped and actually read the fucking thing, you would understand.
      I'm not dieting to "fix me". I'm dieting because that's what I fucking like. Why is it everyone else can bitch about EVERYTHING ranging from Indians to women, but I say "fat" and "pro-ana" in the same fucking story and everyone bites my head off? Jealous much? Asswipe.
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
        "I'm not judging anyone" gold star
        by The Gaborg(Sidekick in my own life)
        gfd messages
        on Mar 7, 2012 06:20:27 AM
        Yeap, that's why you called your rant "FUCK YOU FAT SLOBS!".
        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
        You've seen through my elaborate ruse.
        by TheChisa(come@me.bro)
        gfd messages
        on Mar 8, 2012 02:16:07 PM
        Yes, I'm totally jealous. Inside this insecure, massive, bloated, panting man-body is an even more insecure 82-(63-? 49-? I'm not even sure how low I should make this joke)pound teenage girl screaming for someone to notice her.

        When will my prince come and sweep me away? When?
        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    by OMFGGFD(hate@me.motherfucker)
    gfd messagesMSN
    on Mar 1, 2012 09:49:49 AM
    you have a serious poblem and are unhappy and will die soon. if you dont start eating right now then you are an asshat and a shallow person and just a shit
    no but seriously you had pretty much only good points although getting a kick from a fucking hunger pang sounds stupid
    [Reply to this comment]
    Poetic Justice....
    by murdersgalore(wacking@yourfuneral.cum)
    gfd messagesMSN
    on Mar 1, 2012 05:01:39 PM
    ....When you finally die I hope you are eaten by a fat person you shallow fuck.
    [Reply to this comment]
    by zaxon(huk~)
    gfd messagesMSN
    on Mar 4, 2012 10:54:45 AM
    How you gonna crunch my testes when you aint got no meat on them bones.

    Girl plz
    [Reply to this comment]
      did you know...
      by IAmAna(
      gfd messages
      on Mar 6, 2012 03:44:15 PM
      that a very small and weak person can whoop ass on a larger, more muscular opponent? It's called speed. I fucking have it. I train, and daily, to be the best. One does not need "meat on their bones" to hurt someone. One simply needs adequate training and determination.
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    I didn't hate you completely yet mr yuk
    by The Gaborg(Sidekick in my own life)
    gfd messages
    on Mar 5, 2012 04:54:51 PM
    But then you made me Wiki "pro-ana", and now I posess a piece of information that I wish to hell I didn't.
    For that, I whish you success in your lifestyle "choice".
    I hope you fully succeed in not eating, and I mean anyhting, anymore, ever, for the rest of your hopefully short and meaningless life.
    You stupid, stupid, vapid cunt.
    [Reply to this comment]
      My thoughts,
      by OMFGGFD(hate@me.motherfucker)
      gfd messagesMSN
      on Mar 6, 2012 01:44:06 AM
      exactly. i wikipeded pro-ana too.
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
      Stupid is crybaby
      by IAmAna(
      gfd messages
      on Mar 6, 2012 03:30:52 PM
      seeing something that you disagree with, and then promptly hating someone for agreeing with it. That, my luv, is stupid.
      And of course I eat. Otherwise I wouldn't have the energy to type this comment, or run, or practice tai-chi, or do any of the things I enjoy doing.
      I simply consume less than others. Granted, a lot less, but I do consume. I'm sorry you feel that way about pro-ana. I don't blame you for not liking it. I don't like Christianity, but I don't tell Christians to go choke on a fucking crucfix, do I? My lifestyle doesn't hurt ANYONE ELSE, so why does EVERYONE ELSE get so fucking worked up about it?
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
        If you're not shallow
        by OMFGGFD(hate@me.motherfucker)
        gfd messagesMSN
        on Mar 7, 2012 04:30:24 AM
        you wouldn't care that much how people think about you. Shallowness doesn't just apply to looks.
        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
        "...why does EVERYONE ELSE get so fucking worked up about it?"
        by The Gaborg(Sidekick in my own life)
        gfd messages
        on Mar 7, 2012 06:38:16 AM
        Because, my dear, instead of going to a Pro-Ana forum, you came to a place called God Fucking Damnit and posted your severely lacking body mass index for everyone to see in search of approval.

        Suppose I liked to smear dog shit on my forehead for entertainment. That doesn't hurt anyone, does it? Now suppose I came here and opened an account called IAmShitSmear and posted my first rant titled "FUCK YOU NON-DOG-TURD-SMEARERS-ON-OWN-FOREHEAD FAT SLOBS!"

        Wouldn't you think I have a tiny little bit of a perception problem?

        You're not the opposite of fat people, kid.
        You're the opposite of a healthy person.
        That makes you exactly the same as fat people.


        Now spit out that celery stick and go take a jog, fatass.
        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    Lifestyle choice?
    by murdersgalore(wacking@yourfuneral.cum)
    gfd messagesMSN
    on Mar 7, 2012 04:31:53 PM
    Pro~ana a lifestyle choice? I suppose you would call suicide a lifestyle choice also. Darwinism FTW. Your choice is incompatable with life and intellegence. Please take you bad genetics to hell with you. The world has plenty of retards.
    [Reply to this comment]
    Not to beat on a starving, near-dead horse, but
    by The Gaborg(Sidekick in my own life)
    gfd messages
    on Mar 7, 2012 04:55:05 PM
    In your poll, you included the option "People have a right to decide if they want to gorge or fast."

    No normal intake of food exists in the known universe.
    You can only GORGE or FAST.
    Your words, not mine.

    Tell me there's no heavily distorted perception in that sentence.

    I'll give you a couple of likely examples: Suicide bombing zealotry or atheism. Tea Party or North Korea. Quantum Physics or ignorance. Abstinence or anal necrophiliac bestality.

    See a trend?
    [Reply to this comment]
    by The Gaborg(Sidekick in my own life)
    gfd messages
    on Mar 8, 2012 02:58:13 AM
    Two days ago I didn't even know something as mind-blowingly stupid as "Pro-Ana" existed (I just lost 200 brain cells just from typing it), and now their ilk is suddenly showing up on all my favorite places?

    [Reply to this comment]
    Bleeding from my anus into a baby duck's mouth: Screw you for judging me! gold star
    by TheChisa(come@me.bro)
    gfd messages
    on Mar 8, 2012 02:36:22 PM
    So what if I stick large serrated blades up my asshole until I lacerate my intestinal wall? I'M NOT HURTING ANYBODY.

    Blood is totally safe! No one has ever gotten a disease from it in the history of medicine. The SCIENTIFIC FACTS are: you don't even need blood. It's vestigial, like tonsils, or the career of Paula Adbul post-"Cold Hearted Snake". LOOK IT UP, IDIOT.

    As for baby ducks, WHO DOESN'T LOVE BABY DUCKS? Are you really going to fuck with a BABY DUCK, you HEARTLESS ASSHOLES?

    [Reply to this comment]
      I don't know why heart
      by The Gaborg(Sidekick in my own life)
      gfd messages
      on Mar 8, 2012 04:39:33 PM
      but I keep reading this with Patton Oswalt's voice in my head.

      Go Sis, don't let hatorz deter you from your choices! Fuck blood!
      I'm removing all but my big toes tonight.
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    I know...
    by The Master
    gfd messagesMSN
    on Mar 14, 2012 02:47:10 PM
    Keep losing weight and see if you can go where no anorexic twit has gone before...


    I don't know, maybe you will turn into anti-matter or some shit.. An anti-matter, anti-anorexic, anti-twit.
    [Reply to this comment]
    by KylenSullivan(
    gfd messages
    on Dec 6, 2018 07:22:08 AM
    Whenever I work on this story, I get some ideas about superior papers reviews and it works not in the way that I want them to work. It's what we all are trying to achieve and it will not go the ways we want.
    [Reply to this comment]

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