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people Dear Sensitive Guitar Guy,
by chronkite
gfd messagesAIMMSN
( on Mar 22, 2012 07:32:03 PM

If you were logged in, you could vote for this story!

I know it's your thing to come sit in front of the coffee shop, playing your guitar for hours on end to no one in particular. But you should know it's *my* thing to crap you on the internet for it. I'm stuck with you, because I have to be here. I was dumb enough to stake a claim right next to the foo-foo center of the universe, and woe is me. But maybe I can change this one thing. Maybe one man can make a difference.
Know this: when I indite you I indite myself, for what I hate in you is exactly what I hate worst in myself. This is how I know you're a fuckup: you're just like me!

Well, the "shitty little impoverished imp that I keep in a cage in the basement of my soul" part of me, anyway. While I have underfed, ridiculed, and neglected this imp, you've let yours expand to giant swollen demon cock surrounded by flames and winged nymphs proportions. It's your ego, and it's running amok in you.

You show up almost every day, and pretend to play guitar. You used to organize and perform at the open mic night, when there was one. I wonder why they axed that whole scenario. I wonder if it's because you're a horrible, horrrrrrible musician. I wonder if it's because people would literally turn around and walk back out when they saw you play.

I think so.

See, music is supposed to soothe the savage beast..not make a normally nice guy like me want to tear my ears out, like a beast. Do beasts do that? You'll have to excuse me, I'm nauseous and the room is spinning. I'm trying hard not to vomit, much less write. I'll keep going though, because when I'm done this I'm posting it, then printing it out so you have a hard copy. By all means keep playing though. Tonight you are my muse.

There's something just AWFUL about what you do. I mean, there are bad players you can shrug off, because they are just passively awful, but not you, man. You somehow make an acoustic guitar sound like a hundred giant steel bats in a canyon of broken glass and rape. In my mind I've assigned every note you play its own name and personality, like musical elves. Bat-elves. There's Kenneth the bat-elf. And Charlemagne the bat-elf.

They are all running up and down a rolling treadmill blood soaked mountain range, clawing over each other with knives and cans of acid. They are in misery, and only you can make it end.

I see the cartoonish saga of your schtick, and it sucks. Sucks in the literal sense, as in "sucks the will to live out of us". Like quicksand except instead of sand it's parasitic worms. Quickworms. Anyway, it sucks.

Here's what you are playing:


Now that's literally the best transcription I can make. See how each sound is *individually* offensive? See how there's nothing that repeats in any way? As horrible as it would be to hear any of it repeated, at least it would give some reprieve. Some rest. Some fucking semblance of sanity.

What's amazing is how technically proficient you are. You know exactly where every note is. You are doing this *on purpose*. Your fingers rarely slip. Every awkward note follows the next in some satanic scale, I'm sure. That's what makes it so maddening.

Imagine I just sat out front screaming "BLAFFLEFOOGAHONGYHONGYHONGYBLIDDLEBOOP" all day. I'd be taken away by the nice men in white within a couple hours. But, since you do it with a guitar it's somehow OK!

Has it ever worked? Has it ever gotten you praise, or laid, or anything? Do you play this shit at home? When you come out here is it a cry for help? I know I'm stabbing in the dark here, and forgive me for not being able to figure you the fuck out. I feel like a poodle staring at differential calculus on a chalkboard that someone has smeared with oatmeal. None of it makes any sense, and as a dog I can't stand oatmeal. There's literally nothing for me here.

Why not try something else? Go play the new Diablo. Go make a sandwich. Go *anything else*. Join the army. Why, I'll bet there are guys dying in Afghanistan *right now* that would much rather sit where you are and not annoy me. They'd be more than happy to trade you places. God, what a wonderful world that would be. I would prefer a shell shocked, hair trigger PTSD armed vet to you. I'd prefer a giant bag of dead frogs to you. Any of this sinking in? I'm sure you've heard most of it before.

I'm going to stop now..wouldn't want to over-state my point. I think you know what you have to do..

Yours in misery and misplaced hope,


[ Comment on this story ]

    I once knew a sensitive guitar guy...
    by grandtheftcondom(
    gfd messages
    on Mar 22, 2012 08:55:56 PM
    I thought someone was squishing a cat until I realized it was him. So yes, they do spew their so-called "music" everywhere, even at home and among friends. Not that they keep those friends for long...
    [Reply to this comment]
    What it is...
    by murdersgalore(wacking@yourfuneral.cum)
    gfd messagesMSN
    on Apr 6, 2012 05:40:18 AM
    is that somewhere along the way someone tells you that playing guitar and being all deep and sensitive and artsy will get you laid. I began playing guitar at 7 years old (Mind you, the discipline didn't come until years later so don't be too amazed by the young age. I am above average in the local music scene but perfectly average in the guitarist world at large). Somewhere between inspiration to begin, falling in love with it to the point where I practiced my rudiments effectively, and becoming what most would consider good enough to deserve recognition for my art puberty happened. Shamefully, the idea crept into my cranium, somehow, that playing guitar and writing corny songs might attract chicks. After annoying a lot of people and jacking off a lot when I was a teen, I am here to say that sensitive guitar guy is a lonely motherfucker. When I figured out in my late teens and early twenties that wearing my mangina on my sleeve in the guise of acoustic guitar and shitty poetry was not sexy, I become a better musician and a better player in the game. Now I can forget the shame of my stupid way of thinking by proclaiming that my ability to finger frets and finger pussy are both very developed skills that have absolutely nothing to do with each other. I have had many dates that, still to this day, never knew I played an instrument.
    [Reply to this comment]
      This is one of the reasons
      by TheChisa(come@me.bro)
      gfd messages
      on Apr 6, 2012 09:47:56 AM
      I want to take up the ukulele. No one *ever* got laid or accused of being deep playing that dinky little shit.
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    I was this close to becoming SGG once
    by The Gaborg(Sidekick in my own life)
    gfd messages
    on Apr 7, 2012 02:45:56 PM
    Luckily, I became aware of my overall suckitude before greater damage took place.

    Sometimes my older kid asks me why I never pick up my guitar(s).
    (That I still keep for some reason).
    I usually give him the standard Murtaugh line, but the truth is I never, ever, under no circumstances, want to be that guy again. Not for the duration of a song, not for one second. I love music too much to ever defile it with my "skills" again.
    This is one area where I can't live by one of my favorite standards.
    [Reply to this comment]
    I should note~
    by chronkite(
    gfd messagesAIMMSN
    on Apr 28, 2012 12:16:51 PM
    I doubt very much that any of you are in danger of becoming this guy, in much the same way as you won't become Starscream from the Transformers. There's a *chance*, yes, but god damn. Don't lose any sleep over it.

    There's NOTHING WRONG with dicking around with guitars or any other instrument. It's great fun! Lord knows I do it a LOT, as Chisa pointed out above.

    [Reply to this comment]
      I didn't tell the whole truth in my last comment
      by The Gaborg(Sidekick in my own life)
      gfd messages
      on Apr 28, 2012 07:34:34 PM
      Fact is, most of the stuff I used to be passionate about has slowly been swept under an increasingly thicker rug of "meh".
      And it's not like I miss being passionate. Mostly I just stopped giving much of a fuck. It's like the mere notion of passion or excitement or enthusiasm just gives me a violent case of the yawns.

      Music, for instance. I still like it - I'm just not crazy about it anymore.
      Or reading. I can't remember the last time I actually read a new book; I just keep going back to stuff I know I like.

      Or movies. This one is pretty crazy, actually: I read every goddamn review and spoiler about every movie that comes out, and then I don't ever fucking watch a single one of them. I don't even pirate them anymore! It's like "yeah well, I already know what it's about so, y'know, fuck it."

      I mean I know tastes and interests change with the passing of time, but mine just seem to be fading.
      I wonder if it's because of the over-availability of free stuff on Teh Innuhnetz, or my age-related dropping levels of dopamine, or a combination of both plus God knows what other shit is going on in my brain.

      Or maybe, just maybe, my favorite self-deprecating line -namely the one about being a "boring, middle-aged, balding, straight, married father of two"- has finally catched up with me.
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    Read it
    by AnitaAmbani(
    gfd messages
    on Jun 7, 2018 10:50:13 PM
    It is looking nice to read your story, Really guitar guy is still in pain, I think he must follow different alternatives. My onlinehomeworkclub page has been developed by a professional blogger, if you need any kind of assistance you can check it online. Willing to guide you rest of the process.
    [Reply to this comment]
    by John(
    gfd messages
    on Aug 6, 2018 02:10:42 AM
    Recently, There are many young guys who are very Sensitive Guitar Guy and go here and there to choose their girlfriends and many others who are not interested but go there for enjoyment. Therefore, provides a big environment for such guys. This site has shared a good content and I hope, It will share further details later.
    [Reply to this comment]
    Read it right now
    by JasonSmith(
    gfd messages
    on Aug 16, 2018 01:38:16 AM
    Guitar playing is not a bad thing because many of us like the guitar very much and want to listen to the guitar. But if you play the guitar in public places like global-web-research and you don't know well about guitar playing then you should avoid doing this. It will irritate the people and they will be fed up soon. In this way, your professional career can be wasted. Go and learn the guitar first then try to play it in a public place.
    [Reply to this comment]
    Come here
    by nirmalakaur(
    gfd messages
    on Oct 28, 2018 06:00:44 AM
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    [Reply to this comment]
    Not a reality
    by nirmalakaur(
    gfd messages
    on Nov 18, 2018 02:23:01 PM
    Most of the times people share their fake stories and that's not the good thing as well, abusing others is not as good. I am working for and these days I am writing about chapters of Bible, what the prophecy says about abusing, you would shock to know, it's better to read the Holy Bible.
    [Reply to this comment]
    by nirmalakaur(
    gfd messages
    on Dec 4, 2018 07:25:15 PM
    Story is pathetic but I like it very much, anyway I won't recommend you to read it thoroughly, I am writing different tech articles on these days and my area of concern is to provide quality and valid information to online communities and farms, let's go through this amazing article and help others.
    [Reply to this comment]

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