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petty complaints Give me you bank account numbahs! I give you rots of money! Ishkamah!
by Goatfuck
gfd messages
( on Aug 12, 2003 01:05:23 PM

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Godfather 2 aside, sequels always suck. Either it's the fact that our expectations have been raised, or it's just that copy-cats lack any originality, there's nothing like the original, even in scams.
While sorting through the daily barrage of advertisements that promise lower mortgage rates, the opportunity to buy a valid PhD on-line, or the ubiquitous sites promising "chicks-with-dicks" that regularly ooze their way into the electronic grease-trap that my email address occasionally turns into, I came across this little gem. Or what used to be one. I have seen this particular scam twice before, and while the scant and vague details change, the overall form remains the same. It usually tries to convey the fact that some desperate situation in some obscure African nation has prompted a well-placed bureaucrat (in this case a finance minister) to offer you, that special someone, a quasi-legal opportunity to earn an insane amount of money for doing nothing other then offering the use of your bank account as a shelter for some huge sum of money, of which you are of course to get a percentage.

As a devout Dawinian-Smithite, I must assume that this scam has been able to reel in a fair catch of marks and suckers, simply because it is still around. And while the first one was quite well written, filled with easily accessible facts and names that nevertheless gave the one a feel of authenticity, this third run facsimile has degenerated in both smoothness of presentation and quality of feel. The presentation itself is quite naked in its intentions and the author(s) have not even bothered to add detail and an interesting Greek-tragedy-like story to move one's heart towards the poor, desperate African princess-like Cinderella who is forced to soil her impeccable dignity by involving herself in such affairs, but who must do so for the sake of her family and country. No longer do we get to feel a tinge of vicarious adventure and glory, as we come to the electronic rescue of this modern-day Anastasia, all the while grabbing an opportunity to make a cool, easy million or two.

Where's the glory I ask? The juicy story of peril and betrayal? The touch of adventurous-panache? A good scam has to be like a cheesy Hollywood-style movie. Unbelievably bizarre circumstances have to combine and, at the bottom of the 9th, we, the hero (i.e., mark) have to be at the right place to swing in on a chandelier and yoink the diamond from the villain's hand, shoot the group of SS Nazi's who happen to be there and-most importantly-nail the beautiful ice-princess. But now? A bland half page in shitty English bluntly asking for your bank account number. Oh sure, there's the "at least about 5 heads of banks" who need to be consulted, but only "after the money has been deposited." And, oh yes, we must keep this secret, for after all, they are in "the government." At least the first one was original. Now I get the feeling that the email was written by some Pakistani wannabe hacks who got this idea from "Electronic Scumbag Weekly" and didn't even bother to dress it up any. Its skeletal form is clunky and formulaic. I give it 1 out of 10 Enron "E's," and that is only for ballsiness. Below is a copy of the email as I received it and my (admittedly unoriginal) one-off reply:

Dear Sir,
I am a senior Accountant From The Federal
Ministry Of Finance, I send this proposal to you due to we dont have
foreign account,
Mean while I and colleague want to transfer The sum of $22.5 million
five hundred thousand United states dollars.This said amount was
over Invoice we made in contract awarded to foriegn contractors
in our country,The contract is laying of petroleum pipes from one
place to another,The contract number is NNPC/PED/339/99, And the
original contractor has already been paid.

Therefor we need your assistant by giving us your
bank account number to transfer the money and bear in mind that
after transfering of the fund you are entitled of thirty 30% percent
out of the money been tranfered to your account as beneficiary who give
us bank account,

and you know we
are civil servant in the Federal government and
haven't any foriegn Account,so what we need from you is -

(1) your bank Account Number. (2) Your Telephone and Fax number

(3)The address of the bank (4) Your residential address

(5) letter of invitations of about 5 top officials
both in the central bank to share the fund, but
letters of invitation will be later after the
fund has been transfered.

Please treat as most confidential secret due to we
are civil servant in the Government.

Call me immediately for easy transfer of the money.
and we dont need your money in this transaction

Tel:234-802-3043412 mobile phone- see home tel-234-1-4820861.

see alternative email

Dear Mr. or Mrs. Finance Minister of...wherever the hell you claim to be from,

Sure, why don't I just give you my bank account number, and while were at it, here's all my PIN's and credit card numbers, too. Hell, lets just cut to the chase and I'll drop my pants, bend over and spread my ass cheeks. Good luck with the scam, you sleazy bitch. Anyone stupid enough to give you what you're asking for deserves to get fucked.

With loathing and derision,
Mr. Bigus Dickus, Esq.


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